VH1's the Surreal Life: Fame Games

If you thought for even one second that you had seen everything when it came to the world of reality television, you are dead wrong. Because VH1 is about to turn the world you knew, reality TV, over on its head and basically make a total mockery of it while the characters, er...contestants make claim as to who will be the most famous in the bunch.

That person will receive (drumroll, please) not fame and fortune beyond their wildest dreams, nor a record or movie deal nor any of the other perks associated with such a momentous occasion, but $100,000 and the right to be called the winner.

One hundred G's, seriously. This for making a complete ass of oneself (and there will be plenty of that to be had, that's for sure) and for nothing, really, except for the chance to be called...you guessed it...the winner.

That's like trying to get into the trendiest nightclub in Hollywood and being turned away by the bouncer. Not that that would happen to anybody on this show (Chyna Doll...) but it's beside the point. What's not is the ridiculous cast of characters who truly are characters in every sense of the word.

And all will get a chance to make the A-list (no joke, I'm serious here) though there will also be a B-list and the "Thanks For Playing, see you later" list which I'm sure is reserved for the less-inclined folks who fall off of something steep, make an egregious error or run out of time, thus costing them a chance at the afore-mentioned money.

No matter how they slice it and dice it (and perhaps make a quesadilla from its delicious contents) the show will most certainly veer on the edge of sanity-but you'll watch it, oh yes you will. From WWE wrestler Joanie "Chyna Doll" Laurer, an actual sporting pioneer in the world of professional wrestling (or beginning acting) to schlongmeister Ron Jeremy-where the real danger comes in hiding that damned thing from the kids watching the show, to Mini-Me, better known as Verne Troyer, "Fame Games" will have all of the spectacle and circumstance associated with former stars attempting to reach that pinnacle of light, the nexus of the bestest-or $100, 000 crisp ones.

Also held over for the event are rapper Vanilla Ice, who will now get an opportunity not to play a dive bar in Idaho (true story..an ex-girlfriend saw him play there with his rock band...HUH?) and Sandy "Pepa" Denton, the all-everything media mogul/ex-half of the rap group "Salt 'n Pepa" who probably doesn't need the money but came since VH1 is honoring her at their Hip-Hop Honors. Finally out of the 1980s comes C.C. DeVille, the Poison guitarist and my pick to win it all since he's the kind of guy everyone likes and can sneak under the radar unless he has a drink first. Also having a decent chance is Baywatch ex-hottie Traci Bingham, whose looks and fame will be something to be reckoned with in the mansion.

Not having a snowball's chance in Hell of winning the event are Andrea Lowell, the Playboy playmate and TV hostess with the mostest,uh...empty glasses of vino if you watched the last chapter of the "Surreal Life" and Emmanuel Lewis, the pint-sized little guy commonly known as "Webster" if you were born, like me, in the 1980's and know what in blue blazes I'm talking about. Lewis may be kept around as insurance; after all, you'd get the sympathy vote-and the No. 1 way to ensure your safety on a reality show with eliminations is pity. No word on whether Ricardo Montalban will be available as the host for the island episode. But look for Troyer to throw on some vintage Herve Villachaize duds-and a bomb-ass black hairdo-at some point in the proceedings.

Hosting this outrageous event will be Robin Leach, who was probably wishing for caviar dreams but couldn't get any-and so here he is, emceeing what promises to be "part game-show, part reality-show and competition-show" according to those in the know. For starters the contestants will search out Las Vegas in an attempt to procure the most autographs from their adoring legions of fans (well, at least 12). From there they will shoot a 30-second video that is to be scandalous, according to the press release. Every week there will be a bottom three competing in the game show portion of the competition, called "Back to Reality," with the first sent back to safety in their LV mansion while the other two will be kickin' it in the mansion on the "B" list-a far less appealing area than the A-list quarters.

Waaaaaaahhhh! Poor babies!! Don't you feel sorry for them already?

Finally, do not count out Brigitte Nielsen, the darkhorse of the event and a regular visitor to Flavor Flav's lair. She looks to be about as tough as most of the guys (and I'm betting money on her beating the Iceman in an arm-wrestling contest) and other than Chyna Doll, could probably knock out most in a fistfight. It's hard to put her in any category-and she is by far closest to the A-list as any of the characters, in real life.