Vicki Van Meter Reminds Me of My Depression

Vicki Van Meter, a young pilot renowned for making cross-country and trans-Atlantic flights as a sixth grader, shot herself on Saturday. She was only 26 years old when she died and had been suffering from depression. The Erie Times reports that she was against using medicines for depression and she coped with it in her own way. According to the LA Times, after her second flight Vicki Van Meter said, "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." It is unfortunate that depression has brought such a spirited mind to its end. Depression is dangerous if left unattended.

Vicki Van Meter's story reminded me of my own past when I struggled from depression due to months of unresolved lower back pain. My back pain started when I herniated a couple of lumbar discs from over-exertion. The pain was disabling and I was confined to the bed. Gradually I developed burning and pricking sensations running down the legs due to inflammation in the nerves compressed by the herniated discs. I tried all available treatment plans - physical therapy, chiropractic, pain killers, steroids and narcotic drugs. But I did not get much relief.

After 6 months of battling with the pain, disability and hopelessness I developed symptoms of depression - restlessness, sleeplessness, despondency, irritation and a feeling of physical and mental exhaustion. It used to feel like a sense of gloom had descended. I lost interest in my hobbies. I would lose temper at every little thing for no reason at all. But I would also feel sorry later and would cry inconsolably. I seemed to dislike everything. The mind was constantly agitated and I felt bitter about life. Everything felt futile. I even stopped chatting with my own family and usually kept to myself. I would barely get 2 hours of sleep everyday. But sleep was heavenly - it was the only time my restless mind stopped its chatter and gave way to a temporary respite.

Depression was very debilitating. My orthopedics who were concentrating on addressing my lower back injury, did not pay attention to the illness of my mind. Finally I consulted a neurologist who diagnosed clinical depression. He recommended Pamelor, an anti-depressant for treating it. He said the medicine would also treat the back pain and the inflamed nerves.

I started seeing some positive results after about 6 weeks of taking the medicine. Though still depressed, I found myself longing to connect to my family and friends. I also slept better. I did experience some negative side effects too. I had frequent headaches and nausea.

I continued the medication for about 3 more months. I did not see significant changes in my level of depression. But my back pain had reduced considerably. New MRI results indicated that the herniated discs had partially reabsorbed. This was great news! My neurologist said it was a self-healing response of the body and not effected by the anti-depressant. So I reduced the dosage of the drug and stopped taking it after 2 months. My mental state started improving.

Soon after, I studied meditation which has given indescribable relief and peace to my mind. My depression went away with my back pain. This has made me conclude that when the underlying cause for the despondency disappears, so does depression. Anti-depressants definitely help when the underlying problem persists. But constant use in the long run can cause serious side-effects. So other avenues such as counseling, meditation, etc. must be tried in parallel to keep the dosage and the period of treatment with the anti-depressant to a minimum.