Video Game Violence and Teens
Respectfully Parenting Gamers in a World That's Moved Well Beyond Donkey Kong
So what was I to do? I've never found an outright ban on almost anything to be all that helpful or effective because I feel that it creates a forbidden fruit out of the item or activity while totally failing to involve the child in the issue. Instead we have always tried to guide the kids with information, opinions, and our concerns regarding the issue at hand as opposed to just issuing a loud and outright "No you can't do that because we said so" type of ruling. There must be more than just a flat prohibition if we want our children to really think about the issues that concern us as parents.
Over the years both my son and the games have changed a lot. It isn't the old school games like Super Mario Bros that line the shelves of stores today, and many kids can tell you all about the Grand Theft Auto series of games for Play Station 2. My son, now a teenager, is included in that group. Grand Theft Auto, often abbreviated as "GTA", is a third person shooter game that involves quite a bit of violence including fatally shooting people and stealing cars. Implied sexual intercourse with prostitutes is a feature of the game as well. With those kinds of features it's no surprise that many parents, and even lawmakers, find the game inappropriate for children and maybe adults as well.
While I wasn't protesting with outrage at the nearest video game retailer I did feel that the content of the game was worth bringing up in conversation to my teenagers. How did they feel about the situations depicted in games like these? Did they clearly understand the difference between fantasy violence and the effects real life violence brings? How would they respond to violence and in what situations could they see themselves personally being violent? Did they feel that story lines and characters that focus on gang elements reinforce inaccurate stereotypes? Those were the kinds of questions that I was pondering, and I that I wanted my kids to think about as well. I highly recommend that parents find casual ways to discuss their concerns regarding media. Invite the kids to share their thoughts with you in a non-threatening way.
My children and I don't see eye to eye on every point, but I think it would be ridiculous to expect that we would. A big part of any parent's job is to raise kids to think for themselves, and I am no exception, so I don't think it would make any sense to start complaining about the fact that my teenagers do just that. My teens play violent video games, and at this point I can say that I feel quite comfortable with their grasp on video game content and on media in general. I feel that I have given them, and will continue to give them, food for thought and a vocabulary to express what they think and feel. Those are the kinds of tools I want my kids to take with them into adulthood, and they are the tools I feel a plain parental ban on video games just can't provide.
Published by Kristina B
Kristina lives and writes from her home in the soggy but beautiful pacific northwest. She's the wife of a traveling husband and a mother of two radically unschooled teenagers she's absolutely crazy about! View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentSome of us would rather explain things to our child and let them come to their own conclusions, preparing them for adulthood, than be the authoritarian. It doesn't mean we are trying to be their friend; it means we are trying to get them to think for themselves so that they can be a functioning adult that can guide themselves, without direction from others. It's not aobut whether they like it; it's about whether it's the most effective way to prepare them for adulthood, which is our SOLE job as parents.
Kristina- Well, you're obviously doing a great job then! ;-)
Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate all the feedback! :) People are often concerned that I am too "friendly" with the kids and not enough of an authority. I think mainstream parenting is too entrenched in the "parents are the boss always" state of mind to see my approach any other way really. Our lifestyle is one of respect toward each other, though, and the result is teenagers with zero behavioral problems. That's enough proof for me that we're doing something right. Peace to you, and thanks so much for reading my article.
...when I was in law enforcement years ago, I always told people that they needed to take charge, and that it's ok to say "no". Your kids will get over it, and eventually, they too will understand your position. My 14 year old step-daughter would tell me about how she and her friends would say "...I'm going to kill you" in leu of saying "...kick your butt". I told her she'd better stop saying "kill" in school, as someone is going to take it seriously someday. She didn't like it, but she understands now and trying hard to choose her words more carefully. Especially as school shootings are becoming more of a fad. I played my share of violent games too, but I still turned out ok. I'm sure your kids will to, as long as you keep them in reality and guide them. Have a good day!
Ms. Brewington,
Interesting article. I agree with your concerns regarding the content of the games your teen is playing, as they are valid. Please don't be offended when I say that it sounds like you are trying to be a "friend" rather than a "parent". Maybe I'm wrong, but what I mean is, it is your home they live in, and if you are really concerned about it, then put a stop to it. Just by flat out saying "NO" is ALSO a teaching tool. Believe me, your teen will have plenty of time to think about WHY you're saying "no". I just wrote an article similar to your concerns. I'm new in here, so it may be a few days before it's posted, but I cited my feelings that parents are too afraid of what their kids will say or feel when you DO parent. So, people tend to try to be more of a friend to avoid conflict. That only teaches kids to "walk all over you". Not saying this is your case. Just saying in general. My article was about school shootings, and "where are the parents?". Look,