Violence in America; A Mother's Plea

I have 3 teenagers.
As younger children they were embraced by community and church. Loved and adored by extended family, and praised by many in the adult world.

As teenagers they have been rejected, shunned, shamed and humiliated.
Why?
What changed?
My 2 sons have donated thousands of hours of service to their community. They have recieved the Presidents Gold Award for community service, they have helped to run a youth center, they have held benefit concerts, and promoted community awareness and education about important issues, such as violence, rape and sexual assault. They have taken an active stance about politics, war and government. These 2 young men have done more good in their short lives, in their community, than most adults will do in their entire lifetimes.

My oldest son has tatooes. He wears make-up and does his hair in what I consider to be an "abnormal" way. He plays and writes music for a punk rock band that he formed and that he is devoted to.
Does this make him less of a citizen than you?
Does this make him a young punk kid with no value in our society?
Do you cross the street when you see kids like him coming?
Do you judge them by how they look, never taking a moment to find out who they really are underneath?
When my oldest son was about 15 he began to change his appearance.
As his mom I had a very difficult time accepting the changes in how he looked, and how he dressed. We argued about stupid things, like hair and clothing, to the detriment of our relationship. I cried hysterically when he got his first tatoo. Here was my precious baby, whose skin was so perfect on the day he was born, whose skin I protected from every cut and nick and scratch, for 18 years, and on his 18th birthday the first thing he did was permantenly mar that perfect skin.
It wasn't just me who felt this way.
His grandparents were mortified, and for all intents and purposes completely rejected him.
Leaders in the church where he had grown up, where he had won trophies every year for 6 years for memorizing the most Bible verses, rejected him. The same church where he had taught Creation Science for 4 years to younger children at day camp, now asked him not to come back.

Before the police in our town finally took the time to get to know him, they used to stop him wherever he went.
Local stores began to profile him, having security follow him through the store, several times actually trying to accuse him of shop-lifting, when I had sent him there for something innocent like toilet paper.

I suppose I changed my attitude upon realizing that the entire world had suddenly turned on my son.
Where once he was loved and valued for who he was, now he was austracized, criticized and judged ufairly.
I remember sitting on the couch praying for him, when I had a sudden realization.
It was if God asked me if a person's hair and clothes truly make the person.
I saw images of my baby boy, his curly red hair framing that perfect, innocent, freckled face, and wept.
I went into his room and sobbed, and told him how sorry I was for all I had said and done to make him feel unwanted and unloved.
I knew I couldn't change what anyone else was doing, but I had to change what I was doing.
Now instead of joining in with my mother when she starts to complain about how my son looks, I tell her I don't care how he looks, all I care about is who he is.

Now when someone begins to complain about how much he has changed, I tell them that his hair has changed, and his clothing has changed, but he's still exactly the same person he has always been.

Now instead of arguing with my son about how he looks or how he dresses, I talk with him about the things that really matter, how proud I am of him, how much I love him, and admire him for all the things he does to try to make the world better for everyone.

Now when someone jumps to conclusions about the kind of person he is, based on his hair or his clothes, I refuse to condone or support their actions.

I have found over the past several years that it isn't our youth that promote hate at all. It is our "adult" population. A society that condemns, judges and shuns people based on anything other than "who they are inside" is ultimately responsible for it's own violence, and the hatred it reaps in return is devastating to us all.

Just as in the past racial discrimination led to acts of violence, revolt, and riot, today we are facing a serious problem with age discrimination, and "social" discrimination. Anytime we make snap judgements about a person without knowing them, we are guilty of a hate crime, and we contribute to the overall violence that we see within our society.

My plea to adults, realize your responsibility.
Ask yourself right now, how have you contributed to the anger, the hurt, and the horror experienced by todays youth?
Have you reached out to young people, or have you crossed the sidewalk?
It's easy to blame others for the horror we are seeing in America today, but in some ways maybe we have all contributed to it, openly or secretly.
Please rethink your ideas on what makes a person valuable to society.
Please reconsider how you respond to America's youth.
You can reach out with love and compassion, or you can condemn, criticize and reject.
Either way you cannot simply pretend you have no effect on the world. Your actions add to the problem, or help to bring an end to it.