Violence Prevention Begins at Home

Keeping your teen from violence and other unhealthy behaviors will be a task of vigilance on the part of the parent. I promise you it will cost you. You may lose wages, overtime, sleep and what you may feel as your very last nerve but keeping tabs with your child is the best method of prevention.

Being "up in your teen's 4-1-1" is important. Parents need to ask questions about who, how, when, where and pray your child is honest. Follow-up is allowed but don't stalk them. Our teens need space to make mistakes. When they make mistakes, greet them with a "can-do" and "what can we learn from this lesson?" attitude focusing on their personal role in the problem. Such openness will foster respect, accountability for the child with the understanding that mistakes are allowable. Declare it a "do-over" and help the child move forward.

With that said, my family found ourselves in an awkward situation as my daughter began to date as a sophomore in high school. I knew the young man; he ran cross country with my daughter. He had been to our home more than once to hang out after a meet. I had no problems with the couple until I heard when the two teens had disagreements they fought-physically.

I sat down with my daughter first. I knew her and the issues she faced. Her father was no longer in our home as a result of his violent behaviors. As my daughter and I talked, I could see that the conversation needed to include her beau and perhaps his parents. I could clearly hear that the couple was hiding this behavior from supervising adults.

After a phone call to the young man's parents to introduce myself and the topic at hand, we all met at a local restaurant to discuss the situation. We were greeted by loving parents equally concerned about their son's actions. Our group had barely gotten our beverages when my daughter disclosed her dissatisfaction with her beau seeing another girl at the same time he was dating her. Unfortunately, my daughter illustrated that frustration with physically ugly, aggressive behaviors.

Eventually my daughter moved on with her life in a positive way but it did not happen overnight. Along with that "can do" attitude I spoke about earlier, my daughter agreed with me to do a little one on one counseling with our pastor. We were very fortunate as our pastor and his wife were dear friends of ours. In the absence of her real father, my daughter loved and respected Pastor T. When she married last summer, she asked him to perform the ceremony.

In a supportive church and school environment, my family and I gave and received "unconditional love" for these two confused teenagers. Which brings me to the most important tip I can offer: children need to know that they have someone's unconditional love. Prayerfully it is you, the parent reading this story.

I pray that your life choices have allowed you to be a good example, a positive role model for your child-free from disruptive dramas that are distracting to impressible minds. From my own experience sadly I know that is not always the case. Though it is easier to lie down and bleed all over yourself, I solicit you to find the courage to change your reality as a tool to empower your children and others. You are the greatest teacher your child will ever have.

If you are a pastor, teacher, coach, mentor or best friend, show a teen unconditional love. Growing up is hard. As a teenager, I was scared most days. It is critical during these years of transition that your teen feel safe and know unconditional love in some personal way.

In spite of your most diligent effort, Mom and Dad, you will miss something as your teen may work to run beyond your view. Don't worry about being able to see each foot step; focus more on the conversation between you. Be approachable and by all means, approach them with love and concern. Be vigilant by living the standard towards meaningful communication sans violent behavior. You are their greatest teacher, you are their shining star.