VIP's

My wife and I were driving around the other day and a thought struck me as I watched those who shared the road with me.

We've all seen the guy who is too busy to make his own coffee and has to get the coffee shop stuff. He's obviously too busy to take 10 minutes and enjoy his overpriced beverage in the coffee shop, so he has to take it with him on the way to his next important stop. I would rather sit for a while and gather my thoughts, wits and anything else worth gathering than drive and try to drink at the same time. Of course, I make coffee at home and drink it there before I head out on the highways and by-ways. (It's cheaper and it tastes better) On the rare occasion when I might need some coffee later in the day, I have it in a Thermos bottle beside me to sip whenever I want without having to drive out of my way to find a coffee shop.

We've all seen the next step in this progression where the driver has no time to eat. So now we have a wingnut sipping coffee while chowing down on a sandwich while trying to drive. When I was on the road, I enjoyed making lunches to be consumed at my leisure. I might have a turkey sandwich one day, a bowl of chili the next. (If you haven't tried cold one or two day old chili, don't knock it. It's great!) I'd pull off the highway, spread the spread, open the newspaper and have a hell of a good time. It gave me a wider variety of things to eat and sure beat paying outrageous prices for a little, bitty burger that, like the guy on TV says, "We have this on the farm, but we don't eat it."

The creme de la creme of the multi-tasking driver is the guy who has to drink, eat and stay in touch with the rest of the world via his cell phone. These people must be on a mission from God. They are so busy doing other stuff that they can't possibly be able to safely navigate 2 tons of steel and plastic through the streets.

I think these people have a lot of spare change they need to get rid of. With gas hovering around the buck a litre mark, they are able to let their SUV's idle in line for the drive-thru while they sit in them and bitch about smog and pollution.

They are obviously were busy too or else they would use some of their God given common sense and make their own coffee and sandwiches, rather than leave wherever they were at the last possible moment and waste time in the drive-thru waiting for coffee that tastes like dishwater and sandwiches that taste worse than the container they come in.

They are so important that their cell phones have probably sprouted roots in their ears but they're oblivious to it. Maybe cell phones do cause brain cancer.

So, in the interest of safety for the rest of us great unwashed, I thought of the following idea. It will keep us all safe and decrease unemployment at the same time.

Make these dimwits hire chauffeurs. That way they can eat, drink, chat and make merry and keep the streets safe for the rest of us.