Virtual Realtionships, Are They Taking Precedence Over Real Life Relationships?

Recently, I took part in a poll and debate on another website about cheating spouses and virtual, online relationships. The question posed was, "Are virtual relationships taking precedence over real life relationships?" The results were practically split down the middle. Out of the 662 people who participated, 51% voted YES, and 49% voted NO. I was quite torn when I first looked at the question, because the truth is, for some people it may be that their virtual relationships become more important than their real life ones. So, even though for them this may be a very sad truth, I voted no because I don't think it's possible to generalize this subject.

If virtual relationships, whether or not romantic, have started to take precedence in someone's life, there are many reasons this could happen and none of them very good. We all know people in relationships, or have been in one ourselves, where one or more of the parties involved feels lonely. In that situation I believe a virtual relationship could very easily take precedence. However, for the vast majority of relationships I seriously doubt any virtual relationships are the cause for splitting up.

I have played on-line role playing games for 5 years or more. I started with the on-line version of the popular PC game, The Sims. For three years I watched as teenagers and adults of all ages got caught up in their virtual lives. In some cases genuine heartbreak would occur if a friendship or love relationship ended, but in the majority of cases, people woke up and realized that their real lives were too important to risk for a person in a game. The people this usually happened to were lonely for some reason. I myself became awfully addicted to that game, playing it for hours, but that was generally because I was an insomniac at the time. Relating to people and playing a game beat watching boring late night television.

For more than 2 years, I have been playing another role playing game, Second Life. I have amassed many friendships in the virtual world and some that spill over in to my real life. It can be great fun, especially if you don't like to go out and frequent bars at night, or don't have unlimited funds. As a matter of fact, I met my current significant other in the virtual world. Now that we have a real life relationship, less and less time is spent on-line relating to those friendships. Do I miss those people occasionally, of course I do. They are fun people to talk to and be with, but take precedence over my family, friends and man? Never!

Unfortunately, I think because this does happen to some people, it gives the virtual world a bad name. There is nothing inherently wrong with making friends on-line. The problem occurs when, as any seasoned gamer or chat room explorer can tell you, there is a lack of balance. Balance is the key word here. If you think, or if a family member is telling you that you are spending too much time with your virtual world friends, a step back to assess the situation is necessary, because it's probably true. Let's face it, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone when you can't see them and vice versa. Also, you can be whatever you want to be on-line. Who would know? Which brings me to another problematic area.

One has to remember that it is very easy to be deceptive in the on-line community. Unless you are using a web cam, you can be tall instead of short. You can be thin instead of fat. You can be rich instead of poor; and you can even be a different gender. Teenagers and pre-teens may have trouble understanding this concept, therefore if you are the parent of one of those less mature creatures and you suspect they may be making friends with an inappropriate person, nip that in the bud. After all, you do monitor what they are doing online don't you?

I think if an intelligent person keeps all these things in mind, they will be less apt to have their virtual life take precedence over their real life. When you meet someone in the virtual world who becomes very important to you, carefully proceed. It can be a blessing, as in my case, but it could be a nightmare.

If you suspect that your teenager, spouse, or partner is engaging in a relationship you think may jeopardize your family life, don't jump to conclusions. Take notice of it. Ask them and perhaps play along with them if it's a game situation. In the case of a minor child, investigate thoroughly as a pre-caution. Truthfully, I think if you think of the millions of people who go on the internet each and every day and the number who wind up destroying their lives or their relationships because of it, the percentage is probably quite low.

I have to come out on the side that says that in general virtual relationships don't take precedence over real life relationships. Call me a cock-eyed optimist if you will, but I believe most people having the ability to do the right thing. I believe that mature people recognize the pitfalls of that situation and protect themselves against it, if they don't then they must suffer the inevitable consequences.