Virtuous Parenting: Teach and Practice Assertiveness

Teach your children to be assertive

Assertiveness is a valuable virtue to practice and teach to your children. When you are assertive you are positive and confident. Assertive children know that they deserve respect. According to The Family Virtues Guide, assertiveness begins with the awareness that you are a worthy person created by God, that you have your own special gifts, and you are the only person that has your unique combination of qualities. You are being assertive when you express your own ideas, opinions, and talents. By doing this you serve the world in your own special and unique way by using the gifts that God gave you.

Assertive people ask for what they want and need. Assertive children are not likely to allow other children to influence them to do something they feel is wrong or may lead them into trouble. Teaching your child to be assertive may mean that you have to work harder as a parent because assertive children think for themselves and do not just follow others. They question ideas and tell the truth about what they think is fair. In some ways it may be easier to have a passive child that would automatically do what you told them. Passive children may grow into passive adults who allow others to hurt them and have trouble setting limits. In contrast, children who are not assertive may grow into aggressive adults who bully and hurt people.

Practice and teach assertiveness to your children by stressing the importance of respect for others and themselves. To be assertive your children need to understand their thoughts and ideas are worthy of consideration and respect. Teach your child to be assertive by reminding them to stand up for what they know is right and encourage them to speak up when they feel they are being treated unjustly. Set limits as a parent to teach your children how to set limits. If you are a passive or aggressive parent, you are teaching your children those traits. You must model assertive behavior to teach your child to be assertive. It is important, especially in discipline situations, to make it clear that being assertive does not mean that you control everything or always get your own way. If your child feels that a punishment is unjust, encourage them to speak up and explain why they feel that way. Validate their behavior but stick to your limits as the parent. Being assertive means that you do not just tell your child what they want to hear and vice versa. Encourage and model the behavior of honestly and tactfully telling the truth.

The Family Virtues Guide, gives a wonderful affirmation for assertiveness. "I am assertive. I think for myself and do what I feel is right. I tell the truth about what is just. I know I have the right to be treated with respect."

Sources:

Popov, Linda Kavenlin., Popov, Dan., & Kavelin, John. (1997) The Family Virtues Guide: Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves. New York: Plume.