Vivah: The Hindu Marriage

Vivah, a martial bond of the soul, is one of the most celebrated occasions of the Hindu culture. The marriage is not compressed into a day's event, but is a series of rituals and ceremonies that extend throughout a span of many days. Though, for a marriage to take place there must be a bride and a groom, and thus the search begins. Unlike the western culture, in India there are a vast amount of arranged marriages.

The arranged marriage is an agreement between the two families for the alliance, done according to the compatibility of the bride and groom horoscopes. Even in the cases of a love marriage, horoscopes are still matched. Once the kundli's (life horoscopes) of the two have matched the priest according to the kundli finds an auspicious date and time for the engagement followed by the marriage.

The sagai (engagement) is usually a small affair between the bride and groom's family and close friends. This event is often held at the bride's home. The ceremony begins with prayer to Lord Ganesh (Hindu God of good fortune) for his blessing on the event. After the prayer, the bride and groom exchange rings in front of family and friends. The ring is put on the fourth finger of the left hand, believing that the vein of the ring finger leads to the heart. In some families sweets are fed to each other, which is a ritual known as mouh-mitta (sweet-mouth) to celebrate the bond. To finish off the ceremony the bride and groom's families exchange gifts, to show acceptance of each other. The brides has her lap filled with gifts, a ritual known as goud-bharna (lap-filling) which signifies filling the bride's lap with happiness.

Shortly before the marriage a ceremony known as peethi or haldi is held for the bride and groom individually. The peethi ceremony is either held in their own homes or rented spaces, where family and friends are invited. The bride to be is usually dressed in a yellow or orange shalwar kameez (traditional outfit, long tunic top, and loose pajama like bottoms). The bride or groom are seated in one place as someone next to them holds a tray of sweets, uncooked rice, turmeric paste, and tilak (thin saffron paste). The women at the peethi one by one come up to the bride and offer a gift before they begin, but men have no such luck. They then proceed to first mark a tilak, right in-between the eyebrows, apply a few uncooked rice bits to the tilak, then taking a bit of haldi (turmeric paste) they smear the paste on a body part, and feed the bride or groom a sweet. Lastly offering them their blessings and prayer to ward off the evil eye, another person steps forward to do the same thing. The whole ordeal can prove to be a little messy, but is usually one of the most enjoyed ceremonies. But of course, who wouldn't love spreading yellow paste all over someone without them being able to do anything? It is said the purpose of the peethi/ haldi ceremony is to bring out the inner glow and cleanse the skin. So for the wedding they are nothing but a vision of beauty.

Another pre-marriage ceremony known as mendhi (henna) is held for the bride and groom, usually occurring before or right after the peethi ceremony. The ceremony is held most importantly for the bride-to-be, as a professional mendhi artist decorates the brides' hand and feet in an elaborate floral design. The hands are covered both back and forth with the design sometimes leading almost as high as the elbow. As lovely as the design is, it can usually take up to hours at end for the artist to make such an intricate design. The wait is worthwhile because the end result is a breathtaking piece of work. Which is probably why the women are so eager to be next in line to be applied the mendhi, which not as exquisite as the bride's but still a mesmerizing site. It is believed that the darker the color of the mendhi appears on the bride-to-be, the stronger the bond and love will be between the couple. As for the groom-to-be the mendhi celebration is held mostly for the women of the family and friends. The groom might be applied a small dot on his palm, but it is not necessary. The night of the Mendhi is filled with laughter, as people dance, sing, and eat the whole night away.

After the many nights of celebration, the wedding day finally arrives. The morning starts with a prayer in the house, before the preparations begin. The wedding ceremony is held in the evening at the bride's home or a rented space. In India, the homes are spacious enough for the wedding to be held at home, but in other places most people tend to rent out a place, or have it held in a wide open outdoor area. For the wedding, there is a mandap (four pole canopy) set in the middle of the area. The whole place is decorated with flowers, colorful drapes, candles, and lights. The whole scene is nothing less than something out of an extravagant set of a movie.

The bride is nothing less than a vision herself. The bride is said to resemble the goddess Laxmi (the goddess of wealth). The bride is dressed in a red and white sari embroidered with gold threads and beads. The red signifies fertility, and the white purity. The sari is a long cloth that is wrapped around the waist then pleated beautifully and draped over the shoulder. Some may cover their heads with the draped material from the shoulder to show respect, much like a Christian veil. The jewelry of the bride consists of the essential choodiyan (glass bangles) that are red, and can be many other colors to match the outfit. The jewelry which is gold, is to show wealth and hope for prosperity, it is worn in a hefty amount. The bride wears a gold Tikka ( Chain with hook at one end, and pendent on other. Worn in the parting of the hair), gold necklace or necklaces, with matching earrings. Finally, if the nose is pierced a Nath (wedding nose ring) is worn which can be a large hoop ring, or a stud. As for the make-up, a professional is hired to do her make-up and hair. One of the two essentials of bridal make-up is kajal (Kohl) which is heavily lined on the eyes, to portray radiance. kajal is also used to make a small dot behind the ear to ward of the evil eye of anyone. Secondly, a bindi (ornament mark on forehead) is placed in-between the eyebrows, it is said that the point in-between the eyebrows is connected to our pituitary glands. Placing a bindi there is to help keep one in control, and as a mark of beauty. Bridal bindis are spread across the forehead right above the eyebrows, in a design of dots and floral work. At end of all the work, the bride seems as if the goddess of Laxmi has graced earth herself.

As for the Groom, his preparation might not be as long as the brides, but he comes off as fairy tale prince ready to whisk his bride away. Dressed in a traditional outfit of a sherwani (Long coat like top, and pajama like bottoms), which like the bride has embroidery of gold thread. The groom will then have a red and yellow pugree (turban) placed on his head to complete his look. The pugree is worn not only by the groom, but the bride and grooms father as well. The pugree is a mark of respect, and a sign of power.

The dulha (groom) then is ready to set off with his procession to the wedding ceremony. In India, grooms are placed on a white horse that travels from the grooms home to the brides. Along with his family, friends and guests surround him by foot as they dance the whole way with music from a marching band. Some take a simpler route and arrive in a decorated car.

At the arrival of the bride's home or hall, they stop at the threshold of the place. The groom and his family face the bride's family, who are inside. The bride's mother than with a puja tali (prayer tray) that holds a diya (candle, placed in small earthen pot), sweets, and flowers. With the tali, an aarthi( a prayer, where circles are made in front of the face) is directed at the groom, to give him their blessings. The groom proceeds inside with his right foot first with the rest of his family and friends following him. The groom is taken to the mandap, to await the bride.

The bride is escorted from her room with friends and family to the mandap. In the mandap both are seated in front of the sacred fire. The fire represents illumination of happiness, and is considered a pure, clean witness of the ceremony. The Priest is seated near the bride and groom starts with a Sanskrit prayer to Lord Ganesh, to remove all obstacles from the couples married life.

As the priest chants, the bride's father comes behind the groom and bride to tie a knot between the red cloth placed on the couple's shoulder. The knot signifies the knot of marriage between the two and as a form of protection. The father than takes his daughters right hand and places it in the grooms hand, as a symbol of giving his daughter to him, known as kanya dhan (which translates to giving away of daughter) The offering of the bride is considered the purest form of the marriage. As the mahurat -auspicious time for the wedding arrives, the couple are asked to exchange garlands. The garland exchange is to show the desire of the couple to marry each other. Some families at this time, to lighten the mood and tease the couple ask them to not accept the garland. The bride or groom then moves their head away, as one continuously tries to place the garland on. After the garland exchange, the groom places a necklace known as mangalsutra (black and gold beads with pendent at end) on the brides neck. It is said that the goddess Laxmi is invoked in the mangalsutra, and through which she offers her blessings. It is also worn all time by the women, as a symbol of their marriage. The Sacred fire is kindled with ghee, as the brides father or brother hands her a fist full of uncooked rice, as a wish for a happy marriage. The bride proceeds to put the rice in the fire, for all three times the fistful of rice is handed to her.
The bride and groom are then asked by the priest to stand up, to take their pheras (7 rounds around the Sacred Fire). Each round around the fire is a vow by the couple to each other for the marriage. The groom takes the brides hand as he walks forward with her in tow. The first round around the fire is a vow taken to earn and provide a living for their household or family, and avoiding those things that might harm them. The second vow is taken to build their physical, mental and spiritual powers and to lead a healthy lifestyle. The third vow is taken to earn and increase their wealth by righteous and proper means. The fourth vow is taken to acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love, respect, understanding and faith. The fifth vow taken to have children for whom they will be responsible and blessed with healthy, righteous and brave children. The sixth vow is taken for self-control and longevity. The seventh and final vow is taken to be true to each other, loyal and remain life-long companions by this wedlock. Throughout the vows the guests viewing the ceremony throw petals of flowers at the couple as a form of blessing. After completing their vows, they sit down and the groom taking the kum-kum (red powder) fills the parting of the brides hair to show her marital status. To conclude the ceremony, the couple touches the feet of the priest, and family as a way of asking for their blessing for their married life.

The couple is escorted to a nearby area where they are seated to follow out some small rituals, and as families come and bless them. At this point the event becomes a very light-hearted affair for everyone. According to a ritual the shoes of the groom are stolen by the bride's female friends, as the grooms friends try to locate them. If unable to find the shoes, the girls demand an amount of money for the return of the shoes. The ritual is quite comical as friends and family laugh over the two sides bickering over the price to be paid. Once the shoes are returned, there is another fun-filled ritual where a ring is dropped in a large tray filled with red colored water and petals. The couple tries to locate the ring as everyone cheers them on. The person to locate the ring is said to dominate in the relationship.

At the end of the ceremony the couple and grooms family and friends prepare to set off to the grooms home. As exiting the threshold of the place, one final ritual is done by the brides family known as bidhai (farewell).The mother brings a tray of puffed rice to the bride, and the bride taking fistfuls throws it over her shoulder as she walks with her husband to the door. The rice being thrown over her shoulder is a sign of her entering her new life, and leaving the past behind and good wishes to her parents. The bidhai is a tearful event, as the family bids the daughter off.

Later as the couple arrive at the grooms home, the mother goes inside of the house to bring a puja tali (prayer tray) and a vessel of rice that is placed on the threshold of the house. The mother of the groom does an aarthi of the couple for happiness, and has the bride knock over the vessel with right foot. The couple then takes their first step as a couple together in the house with their right foot first.

They celebrate the arrival of the bride, presenting her with gifts, teasing, and other activities. Everything is usually done according to the traditions of the family, as many families might carry out different rituals for the arrival of the bride and to comfort her in her new home.

The day after the marriage, a large reception is held to celebrate the marriage. In a Hindu marriage, the reception is a large extravagant event. The guest list can be a dizzying amount of over 300 people at times. At the reception the couple is seated at the front of the hall, on throne like chairs. The hall itself is decorated with drapes, flowers, and lights. The most astounding part is the breath taking colors surrounding the room. To celebrate, there is a buffet of food for the guests, a band, and performances by family members and friends. At the reception each family goes up to the couple, to bless them and bestow them with presents. Presents in the Hindu wedding, are as lavish as the wedding itself. The couple is gifted lots of gold, cash, and items for their new home together. The reception can go on till the late hours of the night.

In every festivity there is for the marriage, it would not be as big of a magical event if it were not for the bond between the families. The warmth, laughter, happiness, and the close bond is truly what is the soul of the wedding celebration. Words cannot do justice to the unbelievably colorful and rich festivities. One can only understand once they view and participate in the ceremonies with them. One realizes that the vivah is truly a magical affair of the heart.