Waiting on Your Future: How Long Before You Take Your Relationship to the Next Level?

I've been my relationship for a little over a year and a half. I live with my girlfriend and have since we started dating. We have been through so many things together within this relationship from deaths in the family to financial struggles, but we have kept our course. Now it's coming up on the two year mark and I know we are ready to get married. It took a long time to get there because I've learned that people change constantly.

When we first got together, we discussed marriage and being together forever. We were in the same place in our lives. Within four months, her mother died. She was so hurt, she literally did not want to go on with life. I remember her being in the bathroom, saying she had nothing to live for. I was in the other room crying, thinking, "What about us?" The next year was so hard. I had to be strong and keep the household under control.

I worked my ass off, putting things that I had promised other people to the side to take care of her. Emotionally, she wasn't there in the relationship. She had changed from the person I fell in love with into something else. I knew that if I weathered the storm, she would eventually get back to herself. I lost my father at 15, so I know what it means to have a parent you were close to die. I eventually came out of it.

There were many times where I thought she was back to herself. I so badly wanted to just put that ring on her finger. Then she would have a bad day. She would see a mother with her daughter, or have an anxiety attack. She would stay in the bed all day. She didn't want to work or go to school. I was distrought. Nobody wants to marry a shell of the person they fell in love with. So I waited with my proposal. I had went to jewelry stores with my closest friend to find a ring and I would tell her so she knew I still wanted to marry her.

I remember one time we were in bed and she told me maybe we should see other people. It killed me because I was helping her face her fears and somebody else would be getting the best of her. She thought that if I wanted to propose, I should have just proposed. I owed it to myself to make sure she was everything she said she would be to me. She said she would always love me, fufill my needs, and be there for me. Because of the death of her mother, it was very hard for her to do that at the time. I wanted to make sure she still wanted to be with me.

We have had so many fights about money. It wasn't even about the money for me most times. I wanted her to be my equal and have just as much say in our relationship. At that point, she felt she had no power. I would try to be Superman all the time, saving us out of harm's way and making the bumps smoother.

I would go to work, call in for more shifts, make little deals with my friends and family in Detroit. I wanted to feel loved in a way that made me feel good about myself. I would come home exhausted, just wanting to make sure she was alright. Through this time, I learned a ring doesn't solve your problems. It doesn't make people do right by you and to go out on that limb with you. You should never give somebody everything they want unless they give you back the same in return. Everybody has needs and wants that they desire. You can't lose yourself in the exchange.

Then we had a situation where she visited one of her exes because she thought she still had a thing for him. I was glad I waited because I didn't want to feel like she was with me because I met the time requirements. She had to be with me because I was the one for her.

I just wanted our life to be under control, knowing whatever situation popped up, we could handle it. I admit that making promises and breaking them is horrible. My father made so many little promises and it hurt me he never came through with them. My girlfriend knows I love her and would never hurt her. That's the one regret that I do have.

I, at the beginning and middle of our relationship, had a problem with communication. I would get on the internet and chat with other girls. It felt good that someone who I never planned on seeing was saying that I was cute or a good man. I was a total attention whore. I would chat with people about anything because I was frustrated. I forgot about myself, my needs, and my hopes to be there in a way that she knew I was always going to be with her.

She found out and she did things that made her comfortable. One time she stayed out all night with the guy I mentioned before and came home around 5'oclock. I knew what went down but I said nothing. I knew that this person was an issue after that. I had to make sure she was going to be with me when I was a hero and a zero.

Finally, after all the turmoil, we talked about all the feelings we had. She said because I hadn't proposed, I must not have wanted to be with her. I told her that because of all the things we went through, I wanted stability and our situation to be better. I didn't want people to love me conditionally. I love you as long as you keep me happy, but if you upset me, I'm leaving. I felt as if I wasn't enough for her. Not sexy enough, not smart enough. I came to the realization that I just had to be myself. I had the right to be mad, be sad and be happy.

After a lot of hugs and kisses and some serious soul searching, we are at a point where we are alright. She is as beautiful as the day I met her. She is still hot even though she thinks she has a belly. I love when we are intimate. I love when we kid around and just laugh. I love her and I still want to marry her. And by the end of this year, she will finally be my fiance.