Waiting for the Train

In that crowded grimy train station, a shabby elderly scarecrow of a gentleman rested on the floor to my right and a sweaty fleshy woman sat wedged in the chair to my left.

"This is the last time that I'm ever taking the train," squawked the woman. "It never fails-it's always late. If I didn't have to sign divorce papers, I wouldn't be here at all."

The scarecrow croaked. "Things like this will happen in the end times."

"The husband I'm divorcing was like one of you end of the world fanatics. He blamed everything on doomsday. I am so very glad that I saw the light and moved on."

I turned to the woman. "I'm sorry about your divorce."

"Why? I'm glad. I never loved him anyway. When I'm finished with him, he won't have a leg to stand on. And-and if he still does, I'll-I'll hack it off. That's what I'll do."

"Nation will rise against nation, people against people, brother against brother..."

"Listen, you old toad, if you croak once more about the end of the world, I'll see that you won't have any legs either to stand on. I wonder what's keeping that train."

"I wonder too," I said. "It's going on an hour late."

"Maybe it was hijacked. These things will happen."

"You know what I think. I think that people like you and my soon-to-be ex actually create disasters so that you can get more and more people to believe you. Well, guess what! It won't work on me."

"I'm sure that the train was just delayed," I said.

"Delayed permanently. Maybe it was a suicide bomber."

"I bet you that this is one of my soon-to-be ex husband's tricks. He's just being selfish. He doesn't want to settle our divorce."

"Everyone's probably dead. The end will come any day now."

"I bet he'd even have me killed like O.J. did to Nicole, just to keep all the money for himself."

"The hijackers will come for us next. They'll massacre us all!"

"I wish I had never married him. I need to call my mother!"

"Reports will air nation wide of the end of the world."

"No, I need to call my lawyer first!"

"They could call it "The Beginning of the End."

"My husband's gonna kill me. I'm gonna die!"

"We're all going to die!"

"May I have your attention," squawked the intercom. "Train 676 will now be boarding on track 57. We're sorry for the delay."

"See, I told you two. It was just delayed."