Wal-Mart Etiquette

A lump in the throat, heart beating faster, body starts to shake, panic starts to set in. What is that noise I hear? It's hyperventilation. It's the thought of going into Wal-Mart to shop. Too many rude, inconsiderate people, cutting you off on purpose, are banging into your cart, and no apology. So, I tell my husband its okay, I'll help him get through it, please just park the car.

We get out of the car, and walk hand in hand towards the entrance of where the pedestrians are allowed to cross. Apparently, the cross walk is just a suggestion to other drivers. We took are chance and walked in front of a moving car, I don't mind suing. The car decided to stop to let us pass, and everyone else that was waiting to cross moved with us while they had a chance.

Now we get to the door and we open the door for the person in front of us. Well, the customers of Wal-Mart must have thought we were "door people", because we didn't get a chance to get in the door before the first 50 people. We heard "thank you" from three people. They were of the same family.

We got a cart from the overly happy greater at the entrance with the smiley stickers. Can you guess what happened? We took our cart and said thank you to the greater who handed us a cart and we were cut off by a couple other people with carts. Once again, no "excuse me", or "sorry". Now my husbands face is turning a bright red, and gritted his teeth. I smiled and said, "Just relax, its going to happen again. Try laughing at it".

We get to his favorite part of the store, the electronic area. Straight to the movie section we go. Okay, not straight through. People are standing right in the middle of the way talking. They glace over and continue talking. My husband is standing there waiting impatiently. Not me. I yell, "Excuse me", so everyone can hear, and I get the dirty look. Whatever! I smiled as I yelled it that has to count for something.

We are looking at the new releases as someone turns the corner fast and hits us with their cart. "Oh, I'm so sorry" said grandma. She's not my grandma, but she is someone's. She obviously remembers politeness. It seemed to have packed their bags and left, in most people's minds now days, without a "Dear John" letter. "No problem, I'm alright", I replied back to her with a smile. There was no way we would ever get to the game display, so we skipped it.

Now in the baby section, the main reason we came here in the first place. I see the diapers, I grab the diapers. "Lets get out of here, I want to scream", I mention to my husband. He nods as we head towards the cashier. "Be right back hun, I almost forgot something", he tells me and just leaves me standing there before I could say a word. I felt so alone standing there waiting in line while others are grimacing at me. I felt as alone as the kid picked last for a sport in school.

He finally returns with windshield wiper fluid for his car. He starts placing our items on the counter that moves towards the cashier. Well, I don't know what it's called at this time. My cousin is not answering her instant message from me asking her. She works at a Wal-Mart, she must know. Anyway, Sarah is the name of the cashier for the time being, just to give her a name. Sarah didn't eat her wheaties this morning, guessing from the look on her face. She isn't hiding the fact she is glaring at me from head to toe.

She gives us our total, while glaring at the couple behind us now. We use debit as always, because I always seem to loose money, so why carry it around. My husband cannot keep money in his pocket, because it seems to burn a hole right through it. We take our receipt and say thank you and she turns her attention away from us so fast that she might explode if she said "You're welcome".

Finally time to leave. If only we could get around the "chatter-boxes" by the exit. Here comes my bright smile, "EXCUSE ME"! They can't yell back at you if you plaster a big fake smile on your face while yelling.

At least outside we can use the cart to stop the crazy parking lot drivers. I push the cart first, and then proceed when a car stops. I wave a thank you, while smiling. The person in the car behind the stopped car, tried to drive around. What a moron. I wanted to flip him "the bird", but I refrained. My husband's profanity was loud enough for me to hear.

We get to our car, put our purchased items in the trunk, and then put the cart where it belongs. I hop in the passenger seat while my husband is smoking a cigarette. He finishes then gets in the car. He starts to back up when someone decides to try and squeeze past us. All I could do was shake my head. We finally get to the intersection lights, both happy we are going home.

You may use my techniques while shopping at Wal-Mart, or anywhere else for that matter. Just remember, if you need to yell, do it politely with a smile.