Wal-Mart and Nike Team Up with Starter Socks?
Starter Socks Smell so Sweet
But I'm not interested in high-brow Nike. I'm interested in my low-brow Starter socks. True. Nike created the Starter line and Wal-Mart adopted it, and as I speak Nike is coming out with a Starter running shoe for him and her for just $40, but that shoe was probably made for the pair of Starter socks my washing machine didn't eat. It's a lovely pair of socks: white, with a gray bottom from heel to toe, with the Starter logo at the top of the bridge of the foot, and cirulean (This is a word I invented, meaning a spirited circle) elastic around the ankle.
I think the entire world needs a whiff of my Starter socks; they smell absolutely sexy. You can wear them on your hands like gloves and rub them over your nose so you can smell the sensual fragrance of my Starter socks. Starter socks beg the question: Is there such a thing as existence? God Himself dwells upon the sweet aroma of my Starter socks,
and wants to know where He can get a pair. I tell Him - Wal-Mart.
Created in 1971, it's hard to believe that the Starter brand is just now raising it's beautiful head. Yes, my Starter socks make my feet feel beautiful. I am a man with beautiful feet. My feet are so beautiful I do not show them to anyone. I keep them covered with my Starter socks, which I believe someday will bring us all to the threshold of peace and prosperity for the entire world. The Wal-Mart Starter Revolution has begun, and so I will wear my Starter socks with pride as if I were wearing the American Flag.
Published by Keith Mills
Live in Northern Virginia after being homeless in Washington, D.C. for three months in 2000. Currently deliver pizzas for Dominos, which I enjoy immensely. I have worked for several small town dailies and lo... View profile
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10 Comments
Post a Commentthese used to be made in the U.S.
fucking rawr add me and lets talk dirty about socks!
you have no right to put these horrible comments on here, people like me are hunting for socks, not to find your sick perferted sex comments.
No kidding these are wonderful socks. But I have to agree - Where to get them?? My personal preference is for the black ankle socks and Wal-Mart doesn't carry them any more. Any ideas???
I love Starter socks but the wal mart store in my town does not have the regular socks they have the ankle socks but not the full socks where do you get them?
hahahah I share your addiction with these socks... my friends have stolen a majority of them and now I am on the hunt for the socks, but alass, i cannot find them anywhere. I stumbled upon your article in my venture. Any idea where to find em? they keep changing small aspects of the socks. i guess they want to keep you on your toes (no pun intented) and purchasing the latest and greatest sock invention.
Xavier. You misspelled dreck.
What's your justification for an article such as this? Do you think that the people that actually need the sort of message embedded in this satire are going to be able to understand all the drek surrounding it?
I didn't want to read about someones sock fetish. Weird people slow the rotation of the planet
Hahaha! I loved the article! I haven't laughed this hard in ages! Good work.