Walking Through the Fire

"When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." Isaiah 43:2

For the last 24 hours, I've felt almost numb. It all started with a phone call. The news that a family member had tried to take his own life stunned me. I could only sit with the cell phone pressed to my ear and stare at the floor. Less than an hour later, a second phone call brought word that he had died enroute to the hospital. I continued to stare blankly as my dear sweet husband re-dressed to drive my mom to her brother's house.

I tried in vain to make sense of it all as my daughters climbed onto my bed and laid their heads in my lap. Neither of them knew the adult cousin well, had probably only seen him a half a dozen times in their lives, but seemed to sense my need for closeness and comfort.

My thoughts raced back to the spring of 1985 when a classmate ended his life just six short weeks prior to our high school graduation. I have to shake my head as I remember sitting around the hospital cafeteria with my friends...staring at the floor, the wall, the table...anything but each other. Because when eyes would meet, tears would pour. It was easier to just remain stoic, seemingly unaffected, competely calm on the outside. While the inside was screaming the words "Why? Why didn't we see? Why wasn't our love and freindship enough? Why did God allow this to happen?"

And now here I am living it all over again. Today we drove out to the retirement home where my grandmother lives. Not wanting her to be alone when she learned of the death...or worse yet to have someone call her after reading it in the newspaper or hearing it on the radio. I go through the motions of shopping with my daughter..she needed a new dress for a wedding she was attending this weekend. I meet my husband for dinner in town....purchase a gallon of milk and some pain reliever,....and come home to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics....Through it all, I feel like I'm on the outside; looking in at someone else's life.

Dealing with tragedy, pain and sorrow is something that each of us has had to go through at one time or another. How awesome that God promises us over and over in the Bible that He will never leave us or forsake us during those times in our lives. As I searched God's word and prayed about what to write about tonight, I found the promise in Isaiah almost immediately.

God also revealed a stark difference between Tyler's death...and Tommy's that occured 20 years ago. I realized that while there were so many similiarities between the two young men and how their lives were cut short on this earth...there was one major difference in me and how I have reacted to the sitaution. I have a knowledge that my family is not alone. No matter what kind of trouble we're going through...God is with us. All we have to do is call on Him.