Walt Disney World's Kali River Rapids

The Kali River Rapids are located in the Asia section of Disney's Animal Kingdom in Orlando's Walt Disney World. It's very rare for me to pronounce a Disney ride a dud, but for me, this one definitely is just that. Maybe, "dud" is too strong of a word. Dud indicates that the ride is completely ineffective, which isn't technically true. It's a fairly successful water ride in the sense that you will likely get wet. But as far as thrills go, this ride has a very long line for a very low thrill factor. Let's go into more detail on why you may want to consider skipping this one.

The line is absolutely huge, and we spent two hours waiting when we last visited. I'm pretty savvy when it comes to line-juggling, but the park was packed on the day we visited and there was just no escaping the huge lines that day. There is a solid attempt to create an entertaining line experience here, and it echoes the line from, "Expedition Everest" very closely.

Only there's one problem, in the line for Everest, there is a mystique and an atmosphere to the line because of the build-up to the actual ride. There's some suspense there, and in the case of Expedition Everest, the line absolutely adds to that suspense. With the Kali River Rapids, there's no powerful or mysterious conclusion about which to feel that same suspense. So even though I would rate this line experience above that of other rides everywhere, it's still boring. A line is a line is a line, right? In this case, right.

The ride itself starts in a very promising way, all the suspense that was missing from the line is present in the buildup to your first drop after you board your raft. But as we all know, the first drops in water rides aren't quite the same as they are for roller coasters. They're pretty much just to build some momentum and not to give you an adrenaline rush, so the first drop in any water ride is typically pretty tame, and the Kali River Rapids are no different.

There's been a slight misfire by Disney Imagineering on this ride. The ride itself is meant to inspire a sense of ecological awareness, especially in children. The loose story of the ride is that irresponsible loggers have destroyed huge patches of the Asian forest, much as they have in real life. Doesn't exactly make you want to put your hands up and go, "Weeee!" does it? Yeah, me neither.

In fact, the Kali River Rapids come across as a really sad version of the Jungle Cruise. Disney is amazingly talented when it comes to theming their rides, so when they set out to construct a sad white-water rapids ride about deforestation...they did a great job. It comes complete with charred and burnt forests. What's next, a dark ride about the history of homelessness?

To top it all off, I've been spoiled for white water rapid rides. You see, there's a little ride called, "White Water Canyon" at King's Island, and it's a real hum-dinger. One of the best of that ride genre around, and I was raised going to this park almost every summer. So I'm afraid I'm a little spoiled for rapid rides. Compared to White Water Canyon, the Kali River Rapids are tame and fairly short.

This may be one of the only times you ever hear me say this about a Disney ride, but the Kali River Rapids are worth skipping. Unless the line is short, your kids are desperate to go, or you're good with a Fastpass, you should definitely skip it. It can feel highly anti-climactic after waiting for two hours, which is highly unusual for most Disney rides. Most of them deliver a thrill that was worth the wait, this one doesn't.

I'd like to see Disney re-think their theming of this ride in the future and up the speed of the water cannons that push your raft along. There's nothing they can do about most of the drops I'm afraid, but there's at least one good one to get your heart pumping a little. I can't altogether pan the ride, because hey, it's still a theme park ride. I'm just warning you that it's not quite up to par with most other rides and can even cause you to feel ever so slightly depressed when you see those devastating scenes of deforestation, despite their educational intent.