Wang's Chinese Restaurant Food Review

Yesterday I was asked one of the most important questions that a man can be asked. "Shall we go out for Chinese?" I immediately jumped at the offer as I had been chained to the "South Beach" diet program for four weeks and having lost over ten pounds, I thought, "What a great way to celebrate!" Does this give any insight on my dysfunctional way of thinking or at least on how I gain weight?

My partner in crime, Mrs. O, must have taken me through the servant's entrance due to no parking in the front. As I entered the poorly-lit den, there were several stairs to climb and corners to go around making me feel like an undercover cop about to enter a sweet and sour crack-house preparing to bust people for requesting extra soy sauce. Finally, we made it to the dining area, and to my despair, I wanted to turn right around and exit - stage left.

I was convinced to give this dirty-looking place a chance. I've eaten in worst places, haven't I? My memory was failing to provide me with appropriate references. We took a seat and the waiter scribbled down our drink order, nothing too complicated, or was it? It took him about 20 minutes to bring us a glass of water with lemon and a glass of tea.

I began to understand why Wang's was poorly-lit, it must be to distract from the ill attempt to provide a Chinese-looking environment to the citizens of Oskaloosa. Having dined at some of the most prestigious places in New York, I felt they were short changing the Iowan population by convincing them that a few red Christmas lights on a string tossed in the corner along with a Buddha statue constituted authentic Chinese décor.

On second thought, were the dark lights to keep you from focusing on the food? As I strolled along the buffet area, and after making two trips around their food choices, I convinced myself to try a few of their selections. "But which ones," I thought. Maybe I should give the over-cooked chicken and broccoli a try, how about the heavily-sauced sesame chicken, or what about the vomit-inducing chicken and garlic stir fry? I wasn't brave enough to go near their lobster rolls or their chicken on a stick appetizers.

Before smothering my food in the red-chili garlic sauce, I began my journey into Chinese hell. The chicken in the chicken and broccoli was not only dry and tasteless, it lacked any natural flavor. I did make an attempt at the sesame chicken, but as soon as my first bite was distributed among my taste buds, they began to retaliate asking me to not punish them any further. It was drenched in a sauce that was merely a brown sweet and sour sauce, not a smooth move if you ask me. The garlic chicken dish had no taste of either chicken or garlic. It reminded me of a Swanson's frozen Chinese dinner that had been sitting in the freezer section for so long that when purchased and micro waved, had lost all memory of what it should taste like and took on the characteristics of the cardboard it was trapped in. Sad to say, Mrs. O enjoyed her meal, but what did she have to compare it to? Maybe I was being too harsh, since the owners of the place were Chinese, surely they knew a thing or two about food, but they proved me wrong. The final opinion if the place fell upon me as I tried their egg rolls which had the consistency of luke-warm mush.

Maybe the "South Beach" gods were looking down on me and having a field day, maybe my taste in food has been tainted due to fine cuisine exposure in New York, or maybe, just maybe, Wang's should throw in the towel and admit defeat. My only positive experience there was cracking open my fortune cookie which read, "Your words of wisdom will soon influence others."