Want to Get Married, but Can't Find a Good Husband? Why May-December Romance May Be the Answer

Here is what I found out the hard way--far too often men in their thirties make poor marriage partners. It has been my experience and observation that many thirty-something men are just too immature and short sighted to fare well as the husband in a traditional marriage relationship. Scores of them are living at home (still or again), have large amounts of debt and/or poor credit, and are still trying to land a good job, in addition to being otherwise juvenile and self serving. I know that not all men in this age demographic are like this. Unfortunately, so many are that it is a frequent problem today for women looking to marry.

For the record, I am someone who grew up in what I would call a "traditional" home. I had a mother and father who were married; Mom was the primary caregiver and Dad was the primary breadwinner. I enjoy the idea of traditional gender roles with a husband as the head of the household and a wife as his helpmeet. This is not to say that the husband shouldn't help out around the house or that the wife can't have a paid job. I just think the framework of a more traditional arrangement works far better than what is common today.

I wanted that traditional arrangement for myself, but have found men of my age not only generally unready for the lifetime commitment of marriage (mentally, emotionally, or financially) but also completely unsuitable for the task in the long run, even if they appeared to be ready at the onset. The image of husbands today portrayed by the media, in true art imitates life fashion, is that of the doofus. The Simpsons, Home Improvement, According to Jim, and others feature husbands and fathers who are childish, short sighted, and immature. Who but a total control freak wants a husband that must be raised or "trained?" I wanted a ready-made man, thank you.

What to do if you yearn for a time-tested, traditional marriage relationship but are having difficulty finding competent husband material? Look up.

At 35, I have found as perfect a marriage partner as I ever could in my 50 year old husband. In addition to the myriad of things that draw any man and woman to one another (physical attraction, a likable personality, a similar sense of humor and interests), I have found several benefits to marrying an older man and thus meeting my goal of having a loving, stable, and traditional marriage.

Benefit #1. He knows his role. Men in his age group more likely than not grew up in homes of traditional arrangement and have seen it lived out, in reality and in the media, whereas men in their thirties often have not. He takes charge of and responsibility for his family and does not shrug off his duties to his wife. He makes decisions. He is not wishy-washy, but lovingly authoritative. He offers great amounts of security, as I know he takes his leadership role seriously.

Benefit #2. What you see is what you get. In my experience, a man of greater age is not interested in putting on false airs. He knows who he is and is comfortable with himself. Conversely, I have seen several thirty-something men who instinctively, yet only vaguely, have an idea of what they are supposed to be and do as a man, but have never been given the tools or role models to actually become that man. Here you end up with someone who in life makes decisions and exhibits behaviors that are not those of the traditional husband he appeared to be at first, which most often turns in to a real problem. That problem is usually called "divorce."

Benefit #3. He is smart and secure. Perhaps not rocket scientist smart, but he has had more time to learn about life, and that makes for someone with a good dose of common sense rarely seen in younger men. Someone with life-smarts and time under his belt also translates into a person who is more confident in himself, and there are few, if any, issues of childish jealousy or insecurity to deal with.

Benefit #4. He is patient. Again, he's lived long enough to see life's situations run their course and work themselves out, and he is not prone to hysterics or panic over every little thing. This is especially appreciated in the area of child-rearing where I may tend to overreact.

Benefit #5. He takes pride. I'm not talking about self-serving, Pharisee type pride that says "I am so great! Look at all I've done!" I'm talking about a man who truly appreciates his wife, his children, his home, his life, and says, "This is mine and I will care for it." What you get is a man who actively and lovingly protects and guides, and not a careless slob you constantly have to be harping at to deal with Child X, pick up his clothes, or handle some person or situation that appears to be a threat. He takes care of what is his own.

Benefit #6. He looks to the future. At his age, he has to. We're not wealthy people, far from it, but I do know that my husband has made the best possible plans for our future that he can. Given that anything can happen to anyone at any time, everyone should be responsibly planning for an uncertain future; from what I have seen most men in their thirties have yet to give it a thought.

And now, on to the fun stuff...

Benefit #7. Almost anything I do is cute. My husband and his age-mate friends think I'm just adorable, and since my husband respects me as much as he does, I am quite okay with this. It's not patronizing, it's just that I am not what they're used to looking at. I also think that perhaps being in a peer relationship with someone younger makes them feel younger. So at 35, when a lot of women are feeling like they are starting to age, I'm around people for whom that is absolutely not true of me. It's a pleasant boost, let me tell you.

Benefit #8. He sees no shades of gray. He's 50 years old; my own seven silvery strands don't even phase him.

Benefit #9. He grew up looking at real women. Among the celebrities of his young years were Faye Dunaway, Raquel Welch and Lynda Carter, all beautiful and healthy women indeed. The female body en vogue at that time was not the count-my-ribs thin that men in their thirties have been brainwashed into thinking is beautiful. How nice for me that some meat on the bones and hips that actually exist are attractive to my husband.

Is there a downside to a May-December marriage? Obviously, the age difference means that I will likely lose my darling husband to Heaven's Gate earlier than my friends will lose theirs. But that, which probably won't happen for another twenty to thirty years, is no where near the tragedy as is the way a great many marriages between people in their thirties will end up anyway.