Wanted: Therapist for Crazy Chihuahua

I have the cutest dog in the world. I'm sure you think you have the cutest dog, but now you stand corrected.

Although he is definitely cute, he is also neurotic.

One of the ways he shows his neuroticism is that he collects socks. He gathers them from bedrooms and bathrooms, steals them from laundry hampers, and lies-in-wait for someone's feet to get hot while watching TV so that he can run off with those unsuspecting socks as well.

His sock fetish is causing everyone in the house to never have enough socks because he stashes them in a big pile and you never know where that pile is on any given day. He shows his generous personality by bringing people a sock-gift every time he meets someone new (we don't tell the visitors that the socks are dirty socks).

Another psychological problem he has is that he suffers from a severe case of pteronarcophobia (fear of flies). At first it was cute, but it's gotten to the point now that it's affecting his quality of life. If a fly does a fly-by anywhere near his head, you will find him next hiding under a blanket or cowering in a corner with his eyes as big as saucers and his head looking from side to side constantly, on the look-out for more flies.

Now, there may be times - every great once in a while - when maybe a person may purposefully make buzzing noises near his head, but this is only because we always tease the ones we love in order to show them love. It's all in good fun (for us).

Additionally, most dogs are wide awake at the first stirring in the morning - in fact, most dogs are the ones to wake up their owners. Our dog has to be dragged out from under the covers and off the bed like a long, wet sock in the mornings. He could easily sleep until Noon, and be quite happy about it. Once we get him outside to do his business, he does what he needs to and then he runs right back upstairs and right back on the bed and right back under the covers. He's a total slacker.

His last remaining neurotic issue (that we know of anyway) is that he is completely, utterly, and absolutely obsessed with feet. He would rather have someone touch him anywhere on his body with their feet than to play, sleep, or even eat. He would rather pass up a treat of leftovers from someone's plate than to miss being loved by someone's foot. You don't even have to rub him with it, you can just let him rest his body against it and then he shuts his eyes and is far, far away. If at any time he is going through a rough time and needs to go to his "happy place," being touched by a foot is surely that place for him.

Maybe a therapist can help him go to this happy place the next time a fly comes near him. Or at least teach him to kill the fly with a sock.