Wanted:The Perfect Girl Friend

I sit here with pad and pen in hand writing my personal ad... wanted... a good girl friend. The only question is how do you proceed? If I ask for the perfect girl friend, only over-confident, egotistical girls are going to answer. If I ask for someone to listen to my temper tantrums, you end up with a "psycho" analysis. I have lots of friends and acquaintances, but a truly good girl friend is hard to find. I am talking about the perfect friend who will tell you when you are being an idiot.
She tells you that leopard print is a bad idea for you and your capri pants shouldn't hit your ankle. A good girlfriend lets you know your '80s clothes in the back of your closet are not going to work for a retro look. The big shoulder pads do not make your waist look smaller. These are things a girl needs to know.

The perfect girl friend is the one who tells you it would have been a good idea to leave your jacket on over your sleeveless dress since you didn't shave your underarms. I was so informed by one of the guys in the group. If I would have had a good girl friend, she would have done so discretely instead of yelling it across the table.

The perfect girl friend is the one who tells you to check your teeth in the bathroom after you have eaten a Sicilian salad with all the herbs sticking to your gums. I wish I could say someone told me, but I laughed and carried on all evening with some of the upper crust of our 10,000 population community. Yes, I spoke with the new teacher, an attorney, and the local drunk with pepper in my teeth.

I have tried to train my husband to act as a girlfriend would, but it just isn't the same. There is something about your man leaning over to say you have something on your nose. We even tried to do across the table signals and the only thing we got was paranoid. I looked at him and he looked at my nose. I wiped my nose thinking I was getting his signal and then looked him in the eye to see if I got the offending crumb. My movement only led him to believe that he had something on his nose which he promptly rubbed and looked at me. This dance went on for a good five minutes before I excused myself to the ladies room just to make sure. I ended up meeting him in the hallway, both of us asking what we had on our nose. I definitely need a good girlfriend. Women just have their signals down.

I have a good girl friend that I get to see less and less often. As we were chatting on the phone between errands, she brought up her new job. She made the comment that a good girlfriend would have told her how run down she looked under all the stress she had to endure for years at her previous position. I reminded her that we did talk about her stress level and that she didn't have an out at the time. But I reassured her as any good girlfriend would, that I would definitely tell her the next time she looked like crap!