War, Peace, Religion & the Effects of Boredom Upon Them All!

War is bad. Peace is good. That's right, you heard it here first! A rather simplistic understanding of the World of course. However it may also be true to say that War is also exciting as sad as it is to say. It gives a sense of purpose, a goal and a sense of empowerment unlike anything else in an otherwise drab life whilst Peace, well peace is just plain boring and dull. Hey, these are not words to live by; I'm just trying to express a point of view here on behalf of all the warmongers throughout history.

Consider if you will the Vikings. Large-boned Norsemen so bored out of their skulls with the long tedious winters of their native Norway that War gave them the escape from banality that they didn't even know they wanted. What the hell was there to do in this frigid Nordic landscape?...........aside from ski-ing and snow-angels. You've got no TV. None of your favorite shows to come home to after a hard days pillage. You can't order a Pizza or Chinese takeaway after raping, killing and looting your way across the landscape. There are no Theme Parks or Sports arenas for you to let off steam. There's no porn on your computer to jer.......well, you understand. What is a pumped up testosterone filled Nordic man-giant to do for entertainment you may ask (I'm assuming you do otherwise you wouldn't be reading this article). The answer is obvious of course. You build a big old scary boat with a terrifying visage and make plans to set sail across the unknown seas to wage war and terror upon unsuspecting innocents abroad. 'No 'Sex & the City' this Wednesday night? well then dammit I'm gonna have to kill me some people for entertainment' they might say, although why they'd be talking like cowboys and have knowledge of 'Sex & the City' is up for debate.

The same must be true for the 'Taliban' in Afghanistan. Remember that the best way to view the beauty of 'Afghanistan' (even before the troubles) is in a '747' at 650 miles an hour and about 30,000 feet up. It appears as a monotonously sandy uninteresting wasteland. The sort of place 'Mad Max' would find soul destroying. When did you ever hear of a Travel Company offering trips to Afghanistan? 'Come, be bored and maybe even tortured and killed', which could be where the expression 'bored to death' came from. They're TV sucks too. How do I know, well I don't really but I'm assuming it must be pretty bad and if it is as bad as I imagine then it's no wonder people are lining up to become human roman candles readily available for suicide bombings. Now consider if they had the Afghan equivalent of say 'American Idol' or should I say 'Afghan Idol', maybe people would have something to entertain them. Something to look forward on a Tuesday Evening rather than contemplating the religious sexiness of being yet another suicide-bomber. If 'Six Flags over Taliban' were available would the youth be so susceptible to the insidious and evil teachings of the terrorists? No! They might say 'I'm sorry Mr. Bin-Laden but my Amir is taking me to 'Dolly Partons Afghani wood' to ride the 'Peace-Blaster' so I'll have to take a rain-check on that suicide mission you so kindly proffered. Ta ta'.

Similarly, boredom can also breed a peaceful religious fanaticism. A couple of thousand years ago some long haired hippy in the desert. Jay Zus I think his name was, talked a good talk and walked a good walk (on water no less) before his unfortunate inability to stop talking! landed him an extended stay on a big wooden T-bone. Which is kind of ironic when you remember he was a Carpenter. Out of complete indifference 1000's of people followed his teachings. Tell me in truth what would have happened if 'JR Moses' was getting shot-down in the thrilling final installment of 'Jerusalem Dallas' at the same time as Jesus was turning water into wine. 'Sorry, I can't stick around; I've got to see if 'Sue-Ellen Moses' is going to escape from the mental asylum. But hold that thought Jay Zus o.k. Call me, we'll re-schedule'. Jay Zuz would have had a hard time trying to hold an audience although he could probably have used his heavenly influence to cause a power-outage.

So to sum up, how to achieve World peace. Better TV programming that's how.