Warning Signs: Random Signs of Trouble I've Experienced in Life

1. You've just had a child. You are not breast-feeding. Six months later you realize, "I haven't gotten my period since I was pregnant. I hope I'm not ill"

Go get a pregnancy test and pray. 11 months apart are too close to have three children.

2. You go to a Mexican restaurant and pick the margarita due to the fact that it's your favorite color. After having your second one, you ask the bartender what the purple flavor is. He responds "It's no flavor. It's a color. That's our strongest margarita."

Check before you order. Had I looked at the bar menu I would have found, not on the margarita or specialty drink page, but at the bottom of the cocktails page "Purple Margarita - Our strongest Margarita (limit of 2)" And now I have to go home and be up all night with kids. Call somebody. Don't drive home. And read the menu.

3. Don't sing along with songs unless you know what every single word means.

We all remember "skeet, skeet, skeet." Not knowing what it meant and having it stuck in my head at a church function. You can take it from there, I'm sure.

4. If your significant other beats you, don't marry him. Once is enough. Don't push your luck.

It's true what they say. It may take a few years, but it will undoubtedly happen again, there is no getting around it.

5. If you are on bed rest. Don't let somebody talk you into getting up. They put you on bed rest for a reason. I know it's tempting. Don't do it.

Spiderman 3. Went into labor the next day. Felt like a fool.

6. Don't drink, and then let somebody who has been drinking less drive. Just because they drank less, it doesn't mean they aren't drunker than you. it's all in what they drank.

1 wrecked car and a broken collarbone later, I'll call a cab.

7. When walking up the stairs of a stage in front of twenty thousand people, do not think "Don't Trip, Don't Trip, Don't Trip."

You will trip. It's inevitable. Instead think...well, anything but that is surely better.

8. If you start sliding on ice and get stuck in a bush, don't put the car in park to start laughing hysterically (even if it's due to fear and the happiness that you are alive.

"Fool! You are still in the road, just stuck on the island! There is an eighteen wheeler speeding towards you! Move!"

9. If you know the maintenance man is coming to do a repair or something, make sure you get decently dressed that morning!

After he left I went into my bathroom to pick up laundry, looked in the mirror and wanted to die. I won't go any farther than that. Plan Ahead.

10. If you are standing in your neighbor hood, and you are with friends, and get dared to flash someone, don't do it.

That undoubtedly will be the moment that someone important will drive by, a neighbor, a parent, a priest, or you know, a cop.

Not everyone is born with common sense. I suggest you print this list, for just a few more things to watch out for.