Ways to Tell If a Friend is Using You

No one wants to admit that someone in their close circle of friends or family is using them. But it is a sad reality. People get taken advantage of every day. Here are some ways to help you recognize the signs.

Ways to tell if a friend is using you #1 You only hear from your friend when they want something

A year or longer may go by without hearing from your friend, when all of a sudden they give you a call or send you an e-mail out of the blue. You will most likely feel happy to hear from them. But then it follows the usual pattern. They would love to visit you, but they do not have the money to do so. They have so many bills to pay, their creditors are getting impatient and they just can't afford to do the things they used to be able to do. They then go into minute detail about the amount of money they owe and when it is due. Oh, and by the way, how are things in your life? Once you have heard this story two or three times, it should dawn on you that you just might be viewed more as a bank, than as a friend. By all means help out someone who is really in need, if it is within your means to do so. But if you only ever hear from a particular person when they want money or something else, you are probably being used.

Ways to tell if a friend is using you #2 Phone calls, letters and e-mails are ignored

A person who does not really value your friendship will not maintain a correspondence with you. A true friend will make an effort to answer missed calls, e-mails and letters, perhaps not right away, but when they are able to. The friend may then re-appear again, but instead of listening to your worries and concerns, will take up all your time discussing their own problems.

Ways to tell if a friend is using you #3 You are treated badly

A friend who does not show you any respect or courtesy is probably just using you. I have known a lot of people who would only spend time with me because they had nothing better to do at the time. As soon as their "friends" came along, they would leave me. This may be your experience too. If so, do not allow the person to treat you this way. You do not have to endure this kind of treatment.

Ways to tell if a friend is using you #4 Your friend does not like to spend time with you

A friend who is using you will not usually go out of their way to spend quality time with you, such as arranging to go shopping with you on a Saturday. They may make up excuses and say they are busy, but then you may see them walking around town having fun with their other friends. The message is pretty obvious, you are not considered to be a true friend.

Ways to tell if a friend is using you #5 They do not share your joys and sorrows

True friends are there for you when you really need them. They will provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it and they will rejoice with you when you have good news. A classic example is when you tell your friend you have been promoted at work or have just accepted a marriage proposal. What is their reaction? Do they share your happiness, or do they feel put out, as if your happiness mars theirs in some way? If that is the case, then this is not a real friend.

It is sad to say that a lot of people we consider to be our friends are not really our friends at all. They may enjoy the benefits of knowing you, but they take more than they are willing to give. Such people are often an emotional drain, rather than being upbuilding to us, and are better off keeping at arm's length. So if you are going through any of these issues, ask yourself what you are really worth. Do you want to be second best? Are you willing to continue being used as a doormat? The answer should be "no". After all, you deserve better.