We Need to Value Personal Boundaries

I think of all skills, the ability to say "no" to others is the most valuable. There are so many people that cannot seem to do this simple thing, and the negative effects of this are numerous. I think it's time that we begin to hold personal boundaries in higher esteem and let people know that it's okay to say "no."

What are personal boundaries? Personal boundaries are pretty much what they sound like. If you say to a coworker, "I'm not going to pick up any more of your shifts because when I ask you to take mine, you always say no," and then you follow through with that, it's a personal boundary. It's telling your friends that it's not okay for them to borrow movies anymore because they never return them and then following through with that. It's telling your significant other what you are and aren't comfortable doing in a relationship and then following through with that.

All of these are personal boundaries. All of these are examples of saying "no" to another person and explaining why. That's key to a good personal boundary. It could be as simple as "I'm not comfortable with that, period," or as complex as "Ever since you began to blah blah blah..." If people won't listen, you don't have to explain the reasoning behind your boundary. If those people don't care, then perhaps they aren't that important.

And the other part of personal boundaries. Following through. Following through with a personal boundary is even more important than explaining it. You can say "I'm not dogsitting for you anymore," but unless you actually stop dogsitting, nothing has changed.

Really, it seems like very few people nowadays bother to set and follow through with personal boundaries. But personal boundaries are so important. They can keep you out of trouble, they can save you time, they can save you money, and they can save you a lot of emotional angst and frustration. Honestly, the closest thing to a course in personal boundaries in schools are the "just say no" campaigns. But even then, an entire course in relationships and personal boundaries would be more useful.

I'm tired of seeing my friends and loved ones get stepped on by people that they know, work with, or even consider friends. I want everyone to be able to stand up for himself or herself, and I want everyone to be emotionally healthy and independent. My hope is that this article can help just one person be more independent. If it inspires more to be that way, then I'll be ecstatic.