Wedding Advice: Don't Get Pushed Around

Weddings are supposed to be the one day in two people's lives where dreams meet reality. True love is celebrated in a whole day of celebration and no detail is overlooked. We fantasize about wedding gowns, matching tuxedos, flower petals, cakes five tiers high! It's a day of extravagance that is all in the name of love.

But what advice is the most useful for such a momentous occasion? Over two years ago, I was planning my own wedding with all of the fantasies mentioned above. My head was swimming at the thought of pink roses and peonies, bursting from bouquets. I gushed over gorgeous gowns glittering in boutiques. All of these little thoughts leading up to orchestrate the most important day in my and my fiancé's lives. However, I was struggling. Thinking about all of these things was fun at first... but then came the opinions of others.

Being inexperienced as I had only attended a couple of weddings before, I had no idea of how to take what my fiancé , Josh and I had envisioned and turn it into reality. Other people who were more experienced started raising their voices and taking the reins in guiding our special day. I became frustrated and overwhelmed by all of the input and pushing that others were doing. My fiancé's mother began to prod me to use her church for our ceremony. I caved in since Josh liked the idea, and the church was pretty (although much too large for our rather small guest list).

Then as I searched for my wedding dress, I came across a selection of gowns from a designer I liked. I had narrowed the list to about three dresses, and showed my mother. She immediately rejected each dress I had selected, saying that I wouldn't look good in this one, or "oh you're too chunky to pull that one off" and "that one would be vulgar with your boobs!" Crestfallen, I showed her the rest of the line of dresses from the designer, and she came across one that I was moderately interested in. Again, I caved in and nodded in agreement, and began making calls to get fitted for a dress that wasn't exactly what I wanted.

The final moment that led to the best advice I could have received was when Josh's mother and I went to discuss the design for our reception with our wedding planner. Josh's mom kept pushing this way, then that. I was frustrated and silent throughout the discussion with the wedding planner, Beth. Beth then looked at me and said, "Honey, this is your wedding and these are your decisions. You are the one who has to decide what is going to happen that day. Don't let other people decide for you, or you'll be disappointed!" I turned red in embarrassment at the realization that I had been taking a passive approach to a day that Josh and I would remember for our whole lives. I had made some mistakes, but gosh darnit, I was going to get the rest of them right!

I immediately crossed out everything on the agenda for the reception, that I didn't like. I changed the flowers for the reception and selected a color palette, and place settings. The ball was finally in my court! It took a little pushing and shoving, but thanks to the plucky advice of my wedding planner, Beth, I learned to not settle for something that other people liked --- but for the things that Josh and I had dreamed of! It was our day, and every one else was just there to share in the joy.