Wedding Planning

First things first. Happy engagement! There's excitement, there are tears, there are all ranges of emotion from this act that officially prequels the wedding day. Right off the bat, whether you're engaged for six months or a year, the wedding planning more or less commences immediately. The tensions begin to rise. Guest lists begin to be compiled. People are included, and left out, and tantrums are thrown about the day that is supposed to be yours. Here are some hints to sorting things out to make this day yours, and try to avoid some of the obstacles that often arise in this emotional time!

First of all, choose a date. The date depends a lot on the budget, as well the amount of time you need to plan depending on your stage in life (full-time job, part-time job, student, living at home, living on your own, etc). What needs to be decided is what is most important in the process. Choose a date that you can both celebrate, for both the wedding day and the many years to come. For instance, choosing September if you're both teachers proves very problematic, and will be difficult to maneuver around and celebrate as a couple. Weather also needs to be taken into account. An outdoor wedding will need clearer skies and cooler weather (or will potentially require proper shelter and coolers/heaters to accommodate weather conditions), whereas an indoor wedding and reception will be more flexible. It's all about what you want.

Secondly, make a list. Take your fiancé by the hand, sit down, and figure out what's most important. What are the non-negotiables. A lot of stress and argument happens over small things that might be preference, but not necessity. As little strain as possible should be put on your relationship in this time. It is a precious time, meant for growth, excitement, and planning for your future together. If you let it, it can be one of the most tender and cherished times in your life. Don't let the small things tear down the process - pick your battles. Figure out what the realistic non-negotiables are for both of you, and go from there. This list of items also caters to your loved ones - a lot of people will want input on this day in your lives. They're going to have ideas, and suggestions - take them all into consideration, and make sure to include them and show them how much they mean to you. Pick your battles here, as well. Some things will just not fit with your wedding - but some things, that might mean more to others than to you, might be worth having for the sake of the memory and the joy of those around you. The truth is, after it's all said and done, a lot of things are going to slip through the cracks of your memory. You won't remember every single person that was there, or every song that's played, and though it is an extremely important part of your life and should be chosen and formed by your visions and dreams, don't forget what it's all about. It's a big day about you and your spouse, but it takes place for others to witness and celebrate along with you. (In short, don't allow a bridezilla to form!)

Third, get help! Choosing the wedding party is an automatic task that allows for you to have a cushion of friendship and support stand by your side on the wedding day, and help you make decisions and get things done prior to that. Take advantage of the people in your lives that care, and desire to help you. Delegate! Don't be afraid to exhaust your resources in this area. People understand weddings, they get the language, they know the stress, and they want to be there for you. Also, for those that are not in the wedding party, allowing them to aid in your wedding planning is a great way to show their importance in your life. There are also classic ways to include these people, such as ushering, scripture reading, poem reading, singing/playing an instrument, standing by the guest book table, etc.

And lastly, calm the fears and emotions of those closest to you (or, catch them before they begin!) A lot of times, this can be an extremely stressful time for those around you. Namely, the mother of the bride/parents overall. The bride tends to get the brunt of this conflict, as the groom's family is generally less involved in the actual planning process. The key in this trouble is to make sure they are fully involved before even the proposal takes place, if possible - this is mostly the job of the groom. Parents should be fully informed of your plans for the future, your dreams, your plans for provision and education, etc. This is especially true for the bride/mother relationship. There is a lot of emotion that goes into this. These dreams should be shared. This is a time in which the bride's relationship with her mother can transform into that of best friendship. Take the time and care to call her, email her pictures, and involve her fully in the process to make the hardships easier to bear. Since they are traditionally the ones to pay for a wedding, it's important they don't just feel like a checkbook. Show them all the love and respect they deserve for this extremely important time in your life!

Tensions run high in wedding season. It's amazing the amount of emotion that is put into a wedding day, and the conflict that can easily arise from ideas, both big and small. Take care to love on those around you, and allow them to know the important role they play in your life. Communication is key - communication with your fiancé, with your family, and with your friends. Delegate tasks and allow those who love you to help you - this is the time to pull together, and make this day as special as it should be!