Wedding Planning with Half Siblings and Step Parents

Is your family a combination of steps, halves, and wholes giving you wedding planning headaches? Are you having trouble deciding if your step-brother should be an usher or if your half-sister should be a bridesmaid? While there is standard etiquette as to how to handle these types of situations, standard etiquette does not always keep everyone the happiest. If you can buy into the idea that the wedding is for your family to celebrate as well as you, your life will be easier. Whether your wedding is going to be formal or informal, the some of following suggestions might help ease tensions and make your celebration unique.

Wedding Planning
Ask input from everyone. Asking for information does not mean that you will necessarily use it, but it does help your family feel that they are involved. Music is a very easy category on which to focus. Ask your parents, step-parents, grandparents, and step-grandparents what their favorite songs are. You may be surprised at how often they pick the same music. Include the songs either in the music before the wedding or during the dancing.

Everyone Needs a Job
Family members wants to be helpful during a wedding. There are all sorts of details to cover at a wedding and a reception, from manning the guest book to making sure the band or disk jockey gets last minute instructions. Even if some of the jobs are traditionally assigned to the maid or matron of honor or the best man, break some out so that each member of your family has an assignment. Your "bests" will probably appreciate this because it will give them more time to enjoy the party.

Be Flexible
Traditionally, the dads do the toasting at the wedding ceremony. What if there are no dads on bride's side of the family and a father and a step-father on the groom's side? Why not have the father and the step-father officiate the rehearsal dinner and the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom toast at the wedding? Obviously, this takes flexibility not only on your side, but the side of your family, but it might work.

Who Gives This Bride Away?
In some ceremonies today, no one gives the bride away; this tradition has fallen by the wayside. If the bride likes the idea of being given away, but does not want to choose a "favorite" between her father and her step-father, consider this option. The bride walks down the isle by herself. The person officiating the ceremony asks the traditional, "Who gives this bride away?" The bride's whole family responds by standing up and saying, "We do!"

Where, oh Where, Should Everyone Sit? The Head Table
Traditionally, the bride and groom either sit at a table by themselves or sit at a table with the wedding party. Instead of these two options, think about having the head table consist of the siblings, half-siblings, and step-siblings of the bride and groom, and, depending on the numbers, their spouses and children. This way, all of the people in the bride and groom's generation are acknowledged even if they are all not in the wedding party.

Where, oh Where, Should Everyone Sit? The Family
In a more informal wedding, reserve tables near the head table for family members and then let them figure where they want to sit. This will save you a lot of time worrying about who is going to sit next to Uncle George, who Cousin Mark, Aunt Glenda, and your step-brother John can not stand. In a formal wedding, just do the best that you can with the seating charts and tell everyone to be on their best behavior.

The Dance
Just because most weddings include a traditional "father-daughter" dance does not mean that your celebration needs this. Instead, have the all of the parent/step-parent combinations from both the bride and groom's families share the dance floor with the bride and groom after the end of the bride and groom's traditional dance.

Again, flexibility and a little ingenuity are the keys to keeping your families happy during the planning of your wedding, the actual ceremony, and the reception. Sometimes someone's feelings might be a little hurt, but that is actually inevitable regardless of how your family is put together. Keep your head up, your sense of humor intact, and enjoy your celebration.