Wedding, She Wrote

You are engaged and thrilled. You have been planning your fairy tale wedding since you were twelve. Little did you know that someone else was also planning your perfect wedding. Oh my! What happens when your vision of modern, sleek and vogue runs head on into Mom's vision of pastel bridesmaid dresses, Frisbee hats with 10" brims and of course, matching pastel lace gloves?

Mom insists that it is a family tradition to recite the 23rd Psalm. No offense to Mom because you love GOD as much as she does, however, you do not want to "walk through the shadow of death" on your wedding day. Telling Mom to back off is not an easy task. What if she and Dad refuse to pay for your wedding? Stress and anxiety begin to slither into what is already a maxed out bridal brain.

Does any of this sound familiar? Small differences of opinions are bound to occur. Moms are given a bad rap for having a sensible thought or request. Keep mom out of trouble and listen to her ideas. If you plan to break with tradition, inform Mom and assure her that you love her. Not doing it "her way" is interpreted as rejection. Correct information will solve most tensions and clear up those "left out" suspicions.

Never tell Mom she can't wear her dress color choice, unless you are having a color themed wedding that includes Mom and mother of the groom. From time to time, drop little wedding plan hints, as in, your favorite cake, colors or flowers. Mom will not "fall out" when you tell her you have chosen a six tier chocolate volcano cake instead of the traditional white cake with white icing. Remember, Mom is not over your religious conversion. We've all heard it, "If Mom ain't happy; ain't nobody happy". Headlines will not flatter you for publicly assaulting Mom for removing the French fries from the wedding meal menu. Prepare the group for your choices, but keep a few secrets just for you.

Don't give in to in-law pressure. Phrases like, "that sounds interesting" or "that must have been lovely", will give you points for listening. And never give more clout to in-laws than to parents; parents are paying for the wedding that Mom did not get.

If you and groom are paying, politely ask family members for suggestions. They will admire your consideration. Whether small or large, traditional or non, this is your theatre. If you pay; it's your way.