Wedding Shower Etiquette Questions & Answers

Q: I am the Maid of Honor and would like to host a bridal shower for the bride. Since I am the best friend of the bride, can I make up the guest list?

A: While you may have a comfortable and in-depth knowledge of the bride's friends and family, it is best to consult with her when developing the guest list. More appropriate, request the bride create her guest list. This will ensure no one special to the bride you may not know is left out of the festivities.

Q: We have some silly games planned for an upcoming bridal shower. The bride's mother and future mother-in-law will be there and I want to know if I should wait until they leave to play the games.

A: If you have planned games of a compromising or explicative nature, it might be best to avoid them altogether. First, it would be presumptuous to wait for the mother's to leave, especially if the bride arrived with one or both. Second, it is very important to take caution when planning certain games and shower activities unless you have discussed the details in advance with the bride. After all, the bridal shower should be planned with her wishes in mind, and she may be unappreciative of being placed in an uncomfortable situation in the presence of her mother and future mother-in-law.

Q: I'm helping to throw a wedding shower with a few other friends. I'm in charge of the food and don't have the time to make anything. Is it okay to buy platters from the grocery store?

A: It's perfectly acceptable to purchase pre-packaged or already prepared refreshments for a bridal shower. Just make sure your selections are in conjunction with the overall theme and tone of the shower. You may also consider rearranging already prepared foods onto silver or glass platters to give the appearance of personal preparation. There's no need to tell anyone you didn't prepare the refreshments yourself.

Q: A few weeks ago, the bride and her Maid of Honor had a huge fight about the bridesmaid dresses and they're not speaking. I'm hosting a lingerie shower for the bride and want to invite the Maid of Honor in hopes they can fix their problem. Should I invite her?

A: While your intentions are certainly admirable, inviting the Maid of Honor to your friend's bridal shower is not appropriate considering the recent events. The bridal shower is an event to celebrate the bride and not a platform for discussing arguments or reconciliation. If you have a firm interest in helping to ease the tension in their relationship prior to the wedding, perhaps you can plan to gather the friends together in a less public and more comfortable setting. It's important to be mindful of both friends and their feelings.

Q: I received an invitation to a bridal shower and I'm not sure I want to go. My best friend is the groom, but I hardly know his fiancée and I don't know if I'd feel comfortable around her and her friends. Should I go?

A: Your situation is more uncomfortable than uncommon. More than likely, your strong friendship with the groom is the primary reason the bride has extended an invitation. She is probably anxious to get to know you only because you have such a long-standing friendship with the groom. If you absolutely do not want to attend, you should respond with your regrets to the hostess. It is appropriate to send a gift to the hostess for presentation to the bride during the wedding shower. However, perhaps you can suggest to your friend, the groom, the three of you get together for a quiet dinner so you may more intimately get to know the bride. This may open the door for opportunity and a new friendship.

Q: We're having a shower for our friend (the bride) next week. Everyone has said we should play this game or that game, but I am sick of stupid games. Do we have play silly games?

A: First, it's important to keep in mind the shower is for your friend, the bride. There is no set rule you must have games at a wedding shower but if she is receptive to playing games, come up with a few "ice breaker" games to make introductions allowing guests to meet one another. You may want to ask the bride if she has any suggested games or activities.

Q: I have been invited to three different showers for a couple getting married. I definitely don't have the money to spend on three gifts and a wedding gift, but I want to go to all of the showers. Can I show up without a gift to all of them?

A: It is not required you bring a gift to each wedding or bridal shower. You may want to consider offering a gift at the first event and attending the remaining showers. Keep in mind the wedding is considered a separate event and you should offer a gift.

Q: I'm getting married in a few months and no one has offered to throw a shower for me? Can I plan and host my own shower?

A: It is not customary for a bride to host her own bridal shower, but don't be discouraged. For some, the cost of hosting a bridal shower can be a little overwhelming and may dissuade some friends. But you have a few options. First, you may ask your Maid of Honor or bridesmaids if they would consider hosting a shower in your honor. You may offer to have the shower at your home, or your parents' home to help alleviate some of their responsibilities. But one important note to keep in mind, although your wedding is a few months away, there may a surprise bridal shower in the works.