Wedding Tips for Bridesmaids

If you're about to be a bridesmaid, or, god help you, a maid or matron of honor, for the first time, you may need some basic training before the wedding. You probably already know your primary job is to not look better than the bride on the wedding day, but there are myriad other wedding day things a bridesmaid may be called upon to do. And if you told your sister, cousin, friend, boss, or sister-in-law-to-be that yes, you'd love to be a bridesmaid, you'd be honored? Well, then, when those myriad duties and the accompanying tacky teal taffeta dress, come around, there's no backing down. You've enlisted, and now you're on duty. Here are some tips for handling your wedding day responsibilities as a bridesmaid.

The first thing you need to be aware of as a bridesmaid is that the bride in your care is probably going to be a bit out of it on her big day. There may be tantrums. There may be tears. There may be panic. There may even be a last minute attempt at escape. (As a general rule, I say if the bride gets as far as the bus stop, let her go: that wedding isn't meant to be.). So keep focused on the mantra "it's her special day" and put yourself in full "I'm here to serve mode." And don't expect too much appreciation or attention from the bride on her big day. The bride may be so tired or caught up in the whirlwind that she doesn't have time to let you know how much she appreciates all you're doing. She will appreciate it so much after the wedding is over. Or maybe she won't, but at least you served honorably. The mantra is "here to serve on her special day." Remember, repeat, enact.

Second, know that a good bridesmaid never whines. All whining should be done way before the actual wedding day. Dresses too expensive? Groom a jackass? Expectations for "bachelorette party and spa weekend" too great? Fine. Complain at will before the big day. But when the wedding arrives, you have to switch to silent mode. And I don't mean silent, passive aggressive stewing mode. The good bridesmaid recognizes, again, this is the bride's big day. This means no sulking off in a corner because the usher liked the thinner bridesmaid more, no whining you had to walk down the aisle with the groom's dog instead of a human, no getting into a b-tchslapping match with the sister of the groom or your most-hated cousin who happens to be there, too. And please, no obsessing over how you look - it's not your day. Just deal. And as far as getting drunk. Well, follow the bride on that. If she doesn't care if you imbibe, or over-imbibe, do what you will. But in my estimation, being a loyal servant and under the influence is seldom a workable combination. Cops and soldiers and on-call doctors don't drink on duty- at least not in theory - so neither should the active duty bridesmaid.

A third thing, related to beating up other bridesmaids, remember, you're part of a unit. Well, you're part of a unit unless you're in one of those weddings where the bride only has one attendant. In which case, you are the unit. But as a bridesmaid, you should not get into altercations with other bridesmaids. You may or may not be in the company of all your best friends of all time. Try to be polite and get along - even with the bossy betty who thinks she knows best. Ideally, your bride will have organized everyone in the party to have a specific job. Do yours and don't mess with anyone else's. If the wedding party isn't so organized, step in to organize with caution and a spirit of camaraderie for what's in the bride's best interest. Note: you punching out the annoying "type A" bridesmaid is not in necessarily in the bride's best interest. On the other hand, if said type A starts annoying the bride, it is within your list of duties to take her out...side and tell her to calm down.

And that's another thing: respect the chain of command. The bride or her delegate is in charge. The delegate may be the mom, the head hostess, the wedding planner or the maid of matron of honor. If you're not the second in command, take orders as they're given. Keep the machine working properly.

If you are second in command, make sure you act in a polite way so as not to cause any kind of resentment or ruckus with the troops.

A fifth thing to keep in mind? The bride will eventually have to use the ladies room. Depending on the princess level of her dress, she may need assistance with this task. Princess Level 1, meaning a nice white Chanel suit, she should be okay. Princess level 2-3, meaning a long, straight-skirted dress, she may need some help. Princess level 4-5, meaning serious poof skirt? It may or may not fall to you to perform the holding-of-the-skirt ritual. This is usually a job that falls to a maid or matron of honor. But, be ready, bridesmaid, because you never know when the order may come in to report to the bridal toilet.

Lastly, a word about taking free stuff. A great part of every wedding is having the chance to take free stuff: stuff we're allowed to take like favors and table decorations, and stuff maybe we're not supposed to take like salt and pepper shakers, silverware, and vases owned by the reception hall. If you're in a bridesmaid's dress, you stand out. And you represent the bride. So put off taking home a stash of wedding goods, like extra centerpieces or dinner rolls wrapped in linen. It's just not good form. As a bridesmaid, you always want to honor the uniform. Even if it's tacky teal taffeta.