Wedding Tips: Maintain Control of the Plans

The happy couple has just announced that they have set a date for a wedding. It's still several months away, but as most of us realize, a great deal of effort goes into the planning of the ceremony, regardless of whether it's a big wedding, or just a small gathering. The couple-to-be should be prepared for the hazards that always tend to be present during this planning phase, where any number of friends, relatives, and professionals will step forward to "help." These people are generally well-intentioned, but the ideas that they have for the big day may not exactly match those of the bride and groom. As time before the big day gets shorter, as money gets tighter, and as emotions run higher, the "ideal" wedding that was originally visualized by the engaged couple may quickly turns to "We should have eloped." In order to survive this potentially dangerous period of time, the engaged couple should, from the beginning, insist on having the authority to make a final decision on any point of contention concerning the plans for the wedding, understanding that those decisions will need to be based on common sense and what is truly affordable.

Maintaining control of your own wedding plans is not an impossible achievement, but will take a little forethought when dealing with each of the "helpers."

1. Parents. Okay, let's face it. In many cases, when the parents are the ones paying the wedding bills after the couple have headed for the Caribbean, it is natural and reasonable for them to want to have some control of how things go. By the time they are parents-of-the-bride (or groom, as the case may be), they have probably participated in many weddings, and will likely have a pre-conceived notion of what is appropriate and what is not. The bride-and-groom-to-be should certainly respect this experience, and listen carefully to the advice the parents provide. However, if the happy couple has managed to plan a ceremony that fits their own style, and at the same time, fits the wedding budget that the parents had in mind from the beginning, then the chances for disagreement are reduced. In other words, having an early, frank discussion with those financing the wedding is an important step. Beautiful weddings that express the creativity of the couple do not have to be expensive, and living within a wedding budget can be done as long as the limits are known from the start.

2. Wedding Planner. If the couple intends to use a wedding planner, they should understand that the planner's primary functions are to advise and coordinate. While the wedding planner may have a claim to a lot of wedding experience, it does not give him/her the right to replace the couple's creativity with his/her own. The way to work with the planner is to have frequent meetings prior to the wedding, and point out your own preferences, such as the order of the ceremony, the style of music, whether the atmosphere is to be formal or casual, etc. When the wedding planner offers suggestions, approve only those that are consistent with your own ideas. Remember, the wedding is a lifetime memory for you, but only another work day for the planner. Keep the upper hand.

3. Clergy/Officiator. Like the wedding planner, the clergyman that will officiate at your wedding will probably have performed the same function on many previous occasions. He/she may have a tendency to take over, particularly at the wedding rehearsal, and have members of the wedding party standing places that you never intended them to stand, and entering the sanctuary in a sequence you never intended to use. Once again, knowing what you want the ceremony to look like at an early point, and relating that information to your clergyman is essential to maintaining control.

4. Photographer. Every wedding photographer has a certain way of doing things. He/she will enter the church an hour or two before the ceremony, and migrate from the bride's area to the groom's area to the lobby to...well, you get the point. The fact is, however, that following that set routine may prevent the photographer from getting the shots that the bride and groom want taken. Again, preparation is the key. If the couple is able to present their own list to the photographer at a pre-wedding meeting, the photographer will be able to determine how that affects his/her own process. Keep in mind that photographers can't be in two places at one time, and getting one of your requested photos may prevent another from being taken. If it is known ahead of time, however, the photographer may be able to adjust his routine and get as many shots on your list as possible. Maintaining control means good communication of what you want.

5. Friends. If friends of the bride and groom were recently married, they are no doubt going to have ideas that they used and think are "neat." The ideas may have been clever, but that does not mean that you need to use them. In fact, it may be kind of tacky to copy the idea, especially if the friend's wedding was in the very recent past. Stick to your own approach.

It's difficult sometimes to maintain control of such an important event and not offend someone. However, the best way the bride and groom can politely set aside suggestions of others is to make sure they have an established plan of their own that fits a reasonable budget.