Wedding Tips: Writing Your Own Vows

"I, (Amy, or Beth, or Cheryl...) promise to love, honor, and... (a pause and a hard swallow here)... obey."

Sometimes, the words are just difficult to get out. It's your wedding day, and you are truly in love, but those age-old phrases that constitute the traditional wedding vows just don't sound like something you would say on your own. These public promises are supposed to be sincere and long-lasting. If your heart is not in each and every part of your wedding vows, they might be just empty words. So what is the answer? Write your own vows. At least that way, they can be completely personal and unique.

Now, perhaps you are already sold on the idea of creating your own wedding vows, but you're not quite sure what all they should include. You want to speak your own mind, but you also want to impress your spectators that you are sincere, and have given this marriage thing a lot of careful thought. Here are a few ideas.

a) A wedding vow about your love. Above all, make sure your new spouse understands that you love him/her. Perhaps you could use a sentence or two to tell them when you knew for sure that he/she was the right person for you. (Your audience may not want to hear your entire dating history, so don't spend a lot of time here, but a short statement might be appropriate.) End this portion with a promise that you will love him/her for a lifetime.

b) A wedding vow about your plans. Say a little something about how you've enjoyed making plans for the future while you were courting, and then promise to do your part in making those plans come true. Make sure your spouse knows that you have goals for him/her, goals for yourself, and goals for the two of you as a couple.

c) A wedding vow about your happiness. Promise your new spouse that you intend to make your life together a happy time, that you will make every attempt to reduce the stresses of everyday life, and that you want to spend your leisure time by building wonderful memories, first as a couple, and perhaps eventually as a family.

d) A wedding vow about your devotion. While the old traditional phrases are somewhat trite, the idea behind the one that says, "until death do us part" should not be left out, even if you have to say it in your own words. The important part about this promise is your intention of making a lifetime commitment. Perhaps stating that you want, more than anything else, to be able to grow old together, and be best friends until the last days. You'll need to craft your words so that the message doesn't sound corny, but under no circumstances should you leave out this very important promise.

What about delivery? If you couldn't memorize your multiplication tables back in grade school, then how can you be expected to remember all of those wedding vows in front of a bunch of people on one of the biggest days of your life? Easy answer. Write them down and read them. Your spouse won't care. Your audience won't care. It would be like reading a love note to him/her face to face. It would be better to state all you have to say with confidence than to try and wing it, worrying more about the words than the message. Write (or type) your vows on a nice blank card or some other small piece of paper that has a look of elegance.

Should your wedding vows be a surprise? Not really. Why should they be? If you were to use the traditional phrases, you would both already know the script. Take the time to write your own wedding vows, and then privately share them with each other prior to the wedding. That way, neither of you is surprised or embarrassed by anything said during the ceremony.

Tell the person officiating. Make sure that your pastor, or whoever else may be officiating the ceremony, knows that you have written your own wedding vows. Otherwise, he may ask you to repeat those old familiar phrases that so many have used in the past.

Wedding vows should be personal. They represent your true intentions at an important time in your life. It's more important that they come from the heart than from a script.