Weeds Vs. Grey's Anatomy

Ordinarily, I am a big fan of Grey's Anatomy. My DirecTV is set to Auto tune. I send a reminder email to half a dozen friends eight hours before a new episode airs, and I have at least two of those friends, including my mother, on speed dial. During commercial breaks I enthusiastically rant and rave about how stupid Burke was for leaving Cristina at the altar! But wait! It's back on! I gotta go!!

However, I am forced to admit that I simply was not impressed by the episodes about Meredith's drowning. I may not have been completely disappointed but to be blunt, I'd rather be watching Weeds since Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) could certainly teach Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) a thing or two about drowning.

To start with, Meredith is entirely too wimpy and she gives up too easily. Any depressed heart-broken woman can stick her head underwater in the bathtub and hold her breath. Actually, I do that every now and then and no, I'm not trying to really drown myself. All I want is to enjoy two short minutes of silence during which no shrieking human being less than three feet tall is crying "Mommy." It is within those two preciously muffled minutes that I think life inside a fish bowl would truly be blissful. Not suicidal.

While I'm concerned about leaving my infant and toddler unattended in the bathtub with less than an inch of water, I'm not concerned at all about Meredith. Now, if Meredith had tried to slit her wrists, it might have been a tad bit more convincing. Since Meredith is a doctor, she would have known exactly how much pressure to apply and precisely where. Though, I still would not have worried but so much. Another doctor in the house would have magically appeared and found her before Aerosmith's "Walk on Water" finished playing.

Then at the ferry disaster scene, Meredith's second attempt at drowning is a bit more convincing than the bathtub, yet still overrated. Time apparently seems to stand still and Meredith just gives up. Wimpy once again and vaguely reminiscent of Leonardo DiCaprio as Kate Winslet lets him go in Titanic.

Ferry boat. Ocean liner. Hmm...see the comparison?

Don't worry. My heart will go on too, but someone sure should have blown a darn whistle to wake up the little blonde girl. I thought all parents nowadays were supposed to teach their children how to call 911 or how to go get help in an emergency situation. Okay, so a therapist would argue the poor child was shocked. Well, I was far from it.

However, shocking was when Celia nonchalantly threw Nancy's entire stash of weed into the swimming pool! The Agrestic weed party massacre was simply hysterical and it got even better when Nancy desperately attempted to salvage her wrecked weed by drying it in the clothes dryer!

I love Nancy's never give up attitude and her ridiculous and highly innovative thought processes. In between belly aching laughs, I honestly found myself wondering what the lint trap in the dryer looked like afterward! Days later I still couldn't use my kitchen appliances without fondly thinking about Nancy and how maybe she should've tried making a chlorine flavored "Pot Tart" in the toaster oven. Perhaps Nancy might have had better luck if she had steamed and starched the stuff in between two pot holders, or when all else failed, I'd of loved it if Nancy had of busted out a George Foreman as her last resort!

Despite drowning in an overwhelming ocean of problems, Nancy maintains a cool, calm, and collected disposition. When under the most pressure, Nancy's feminine genius explodes. Nancy calmly pops the top of a can, takes a sip, and then rips off her clothes. In a risqué black bra and matching panty set, Nancy appears to be a dead woman walking before she flings herself into the swimming pool.

Instead of nonchalantly giving up, like Meredith Grey, Nancy screams her fool head off underwater while The Thermals rock on to the lyrics of "Here's Your Future." Marijuana, Nancy Botwin, God, and Noah all cohesively meshed into one awesomely symbolic scene.

There's nothing Grey about the Anatomy of Weeds. If laughter truly is the best medicine, then Meredith had better watch out for Nancy.