Week of Fortune with Mademoiselle La Lune

You never know who you'll run into at Monroe Park-and this week, we bumped into a rare find indeed: Mademoiselle La Lune. The famed fortune teller from the French Alps promised to forecast a week's worth of fortunes if we explained Richmond's Mayoral and City Council elections to her in a way she could understand. Granted, it took a while but we finally found a simple way to parcel out all the information (perhaps you need a quick lesson, too? LINK: http://www.richmond.com/news-features/25558). Now reap the rewards of our hard labor:

Libra -- September 23 to October 22

The universe works in mysterious ways but don't bother figuring out how, unless you want one heck of a headache. Sacre bleu! The gods don't appreciate it when mere mortals try digging up their secrets.

Scorpio -- October 23 to November 21

Just lie down. Please, lie down. And don't get up for the rest of the week. Order some gourmet chocolates (French ones, oui, oui!) online, too, while you're resting and treat yourself. But if you don't share a chocolate or two with your spouse, don't expect to find your toothbrush where you left it. So don't be greedy. Nobody likes having sticky teeth.

Sagittarius -- November 22 to December 21

Oh, mon cher! How I pity you! I will spare you by letting you discover your own fate this week. No need for me to explain.

Capricorn -- December 22 to January 19

When in doubt, drink red wine. Good cheese helps, too. You will have many doubts this week, so it's time to go grocery shopping.

Aquarius -- January 20 to February 18

.Tu es une cible facile.

Pisces -- February 19 to March 2

As we say in French, il n'y a pas de rose sansépines! The good comes with the bad but make the most of it. Remember that this week.

Aries -- March 21 to April 19

You're lonely, n'est pas? Then it's time to retire to a quaint, stone cottage in the countryside and raise a dozen pigs. You can turn them into bacon when you are hungry. If you are vegetarian, why it is quite clear then why you are so alone. You see, in France, we do not have such problems. Eating meat is a way of life!

Taurus -- April 20 to May 20

Start to study a new language this week, preferably French. And don't think that because you studied French in high school, you are bilingual, mon ami. C'est faux. Why, it's impossible for an American to master French!

Gemini -- May 21 to June 21

Buy a little black dress. It did Coco Chanel good.

Cancer -- June 22 to July 22

Put everything down and visit Paris. You know you always wanted to! And if you never wanted to, well, then something's wrong with you. Don't think Montreal is a viable substitute, d'accord?

Leo -- July 23 to August 22

Mon cher pamplemousse, this week will be, how do you say? A breeze!

Virgo -- August 23 to September 22

Do something about your hair toute de suite.