Weird and Wacky Pet Products

I saw a TV commercial the other day for a dog treat, which starts off claiming that doggie dentures can give your pooch a nice white smile. Turns out it's a fictional pet product created by marketers to suggest that their chew treat is a better solution to dirty doggie teeth. Yet, given some of the wacky pet products invented in recent years, doggie dentures are not as farfetched as you might imagine.

With an estimated 77 million pets in the United States today, it's no wonder that weird pet products exist. We are a nation of animal lovers, and many of us are willing to spend a good deal of money on them. As such, there are countless new pet products every year, invented by people hoping to capitalize on our pet pampering ways. Anyone with an imaginative mind and money to file a patent can invent a new pet product. However, just because they can, does not mean they should. Here are some strange pet products that probably should have remained in the "idea" stage.

Wacky Pet Product #1: Dog-O-Matic

This "Laundromat-style" pet washing machine purports to get dogs and cats squeaky clean in minutes- just stick them in this giant airtight chamber and watch as they're bombarded by soap and water and then dried. Thing is, the pictures hawking this strange invention by Frenchman Roman Jarry show a terrified dog looking out the glass window, seeming to beg his owner to rescue him from this torturous procedure.

The Dog-O-Matic bath is not exactly cheap, either. It costs £13 (about $21) for small dogs or a cat, £22 ($35) for medium dogs and £31 ($50) for large dogs. Besides being a wacky pet product, the Dog-O-Matic looks cruel. If a pet owner can't be bothered to wash their dog the old fashioned, non-traumatizing way, they should take him to the groomers or find him a new home with a more responsible owner.

Wacky Pet Product #2: Neuticles®

One day, I think someone drank a lot of beer and decided that neutered male dogs suffer psychological ill effects from not having testicles. Surely he must feel less manly without those rocks swaying between his legs. Surely he'd miss his testicles just as much as he would his foot or some other crucial body part. Right? Of course! But what's a caring pet owner to do? Neuticles to the rescue!

Neuticles are synthetic testicular implants which, according to the manufacturer, "allow your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering." These artificial testicles range from $69 for a small dog or a cat, up to $1299 for the XXL Canine Neuticles ULTRAPLUS.

Wacky Pet Product #3: PooTrap

Has this ever happened to you? You're out merrily walking your dog when suddenly he decides to take a dump. No! He didn't! Yep, he did...now what? You don't want to pick that up, but you know you should. Some cities even have "pooper scooper laws," and owners who leave doggy doo are faced with a fine. With the PooTrap strapped to your dog's hiney, problem solved.

At least that's what the inventors of this crazy pet product want you to believe. They claim that attaching the cumbersome 6-strap harness and poo-collecting bag to your dog and removing it after he's done his business is quick and easy. The PooTrap (also called Magic Poop Collector) comes in three colors and eight sizes. Prices start at $29.95 for the smallest size, up to $38.95. PooTrap bags are $5.95-$8.95 for 30.

Wacky Pet Product # 4: Puppy Tweets

This Twitter-enabled technological marvel from Mattel is just what every pooch needs. Puppy Tweets is a tiny device that attaches to your dog's collar. When it detects barking or movements, Puppy Tweets randomly posts one of 500 phrases to your dog's Twitter page. Fido does have his own Twitter account, right? Well then, he'll regale his followers with clever phrases such as "I bark because I miss you," or "I finally caught that tail I've been chasing, and . . . OOUUUCHH!"

Wacky Pet Product # 5: BowLingual

This Japanese gadget supposedly analyzes your dog's bark and translates it into one of six categories: happy, sad, frustrated, angry, assertion and desire. When your dog barks, the sound is picked up by the small microphone on his collar and echoed to the main device using a process called Sound Forwarding. The dog-to-human translator syncs the phrase, which can then be tweeted through your dog's Twitter account. For cat owners, there is also MeowLingual; however, it's only available in a Japanese language version.

Wacky Pet Product #6: Collar Camera

Picture this: a tiny water-resistant digital camera clips onto your pet's collar, then automatically snaps a photo every 1, 5 or 15 minutes depending on how often you want to see what they are doing. (Mostly sleeping, daydreaming and eating, but that's exciting, right?). The Pet's Eye View digital camera stores up to 40 photos, and comes with USB charger, USB cable and rechargeable battery. I admit that this pet product might provide a modicum of entertainment for bored pet owners, and it's reasonably priced at around $40.

Wacky Pet Product #7: Dog Perfume

I saved the best strange new pet product for last. If your four-legged friend starts to stink, instead of giving them a bath you can just mask the doggie odor - with perfume made just for them! Sexy Beast Signature Fragrance for Dogs, a blend of bergamot and vanilla-infused musk combined with natural patchouli, mandarin and nutmeg oils, retails at $50 for a 1.7 ounce bottle on Amazon. For the totally pampered pooch (or a dog owner who has cash burning a hole in their pocket) there's also a 3.4 ounce, limited edition bottle bedecked with Swarovski-crystals that sells for $850. Paw Palace Online, a luxury pet boutique, also has a rather extensive collection of doggie cologne priced from $9.99 for basic perfume and "coat refreshers," to $2,999.99 for the V.I.P. Parfum.

All of these wacky pet products are real, but in my opinion they are unnecessary. Yes, pet owners love to spend money on their beloved animal companions, and why not? But instead of throwing away your hard-earned cash on these strange pet inventions, here's a novel idea: buy your dog or cat something they need and that actually benefits them, such as high quality pet food, a sturdy leash, or a fun new toy.

Sources:

http://www.neuticles.com/

http://inventorspot.com/articles

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1183016/Is-Dog-o-Matic-owners-best-friend.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/15/puppy-tweets-tweeting-dog_n_462455.html