Welcome to the South

Food is a big deal here in the South; we love food and most of us are wired to be social, so any event is worthy of celebrating. If you are going to work with Southerners just know that we use every excuse there is to have a pot luck or just get together to share snacks. Birthdays, new babies, promotions, graduations, or someone getting a new house are all good reasons to get together and eat cake. If a mother is in the hospital or someone dies, the thing to do is take food to the family. While I'm on the subject of food if you are invited to dinner it would be a good idea to find out what meal they mean. Folks from the country think dinner is the mid-day meal and city folks think dinner is the evening meal. Supper is what the country folks call the evening meal and lunch is the mid-day meal. I have gotten confused enough to make it my policy to never use the word dinner. My mid-day meal is lunch and my evening meal is supper.
I have had several of my friends from other parts of the world either praise or condemn our practice of smiling and greeting most of the people we meet. It is what we do. It doesn't matter if you are a stranger or friend, if I pass you on the street I'm going to say hi and give you a smile. It's polite. Do not take it personally. We are not extending invitations for you to be our friend or looking for a date. We are just doing what comes naturally. Some of my friends complained because they thought we were being insincere. We aren't. We sincerely want to be polite.

When a funeral procession is coming down the road, we pull over to the side of the road and stop. It is respectful. Once the procession is gone, we get back on the road in the same order we left it. It is beyond rude to use this opportunity to speed around all the other cars. So when you are going about your business and you see a long line of cars with a police escort, please pull over.

Don't ask a Southerner to give you directions until you have become familiar with the landscape and what used to be there. Our city directions usually have words like: turn at where X used to be, then go a couple of blocks, then the place is just a couple of buildings down from Sam's place (the name of the store doesn't have Sam's name in it at all, but it used to) and you will be right there. Country directions have such words as: turn at the fork where Mr. Ledbetter turned over his car, then turn right at the red barn (all the barns are pretty much red on that road), then turn again where there is a big mud puddle when it is raining (it's not raining that day) and when you see the brown horses (several places have brown horses) it's time to turn right. Your best bet is to use a map, GPS, or MapQuest; though if you stop enough times you might find somebody who will give you easier to follow directions; maybe you will be lucky enough to find someone who isn't Southern, but has lived here long enough to know their way around.

Another thing I would like to point out is that it has been my experience that the only time the topic of the American Civil War comes up is when someone from outside the South brings it up. My friends and I don't discuss it unless the local park is having a re-enactment. Even then the conversation is going to be about who is going, who is bringing the potato salad, and are they going be firing the cannons? We are too busy living our lives today, to be worrying about something that happened over 100 years ago. Usually we are accused not letting go of it and are told to get over it. I've gotten to where I point out that they were the ones who are talking about Civil War not us. By the way not all Southerners fought for the Confederacy; try to remember that.

Now goodbyes are another ritual that seems to confuse people from other areas of the world. We usually start saying we need to go and then go into long conversation about where we are going next and why. A few minutes later we again mention leaving and perhaps this time we will move to the edge of the seat. Then another long conversation topic later we stand up and say we need to leave. Then if we were there for a meal, we either fend off offers of food or we start picking out what we want. Eventually we will end up outside talking to our hosts; when we get near the car we empty our hands and talk some more, then if they are family or close friends the hugging and kissing starts. This is the time to start talking about how much you enjoyed visiting them and how you can't wait to see them again. Now finally we are going to leave. No amount of huffing and puffing from an outsider will shorten this ritual, but it will give all the Southerners there a clear picture of just how rude you are and you will never be invited to any of their homes or events they are in charge of. So my advice is to smile and join the conversation or just fade into the background, just don't sit in the car and honk the horn no matter how long it takes to say goodbye.

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More of Welcome to the South:

Part 1: What you can expect when visiting the South and meeting southerners for the first time. Topics covered: small talk, accents and pronunciation.

Part 3: What you can expect to happen in different settings while you are in the South: Topics: the proper use of the word "y'all," what to call your parents, and what to do when it snows.

Part 4: What you can expect to happen in different settings while you are in the South: Topics covered: family, food and a popular Southern joke.