Wellness: Taking Time for the Caregiver

Not too many years ago, the family arrangements in most US families consisted of extended families in the one home, or living relatively close by. A home could contain three or even four generations living under one roof.

Those were the days of the two and three story craftsman or victorian row homes in such widespread cities as Buffalo, Seattle, Jacksonville, New York and Charlotte. Children married and lived in the house of their spouse, usually the husband's family. They had children that grew up and did the same. Each generation cared for the next or the one before.

After World War II, that changed. Along with a drastic increase in children, we know as the baby boom, this era also brought the GI bill and suburban developments. With housing made more affordable, families spread apart. Jobs sometimes required transfers taking grown children across the country from their parents, but gas was cheap and they were only a drive away.

As the baby boomers age, we are now seeing a return to this multi-family scenario. According to an 2007 article in All for Seniors, a Charlotte NC publication, Who Cares for the Caregiver? states, "It is estimated that 34 million Americans serve as unpaid caregivers for other adults, usually elderly relatives, and that they spend an average of 21 hours a week helping out."

The problem with this scenario is the very affluence that drove city dwellers into the suburbs, also made the multi-generational care more difficult. In the suburbs, gone are the buses, which in the city were available to any resident in a fairly easy walking distance. Gone are the two and three story houses with multiple bathrooms, and additional bedrooms; layouts that made easy room for additional people living in the house. Gone are the local corner markets where getting groceries was not only good exercise but easy to get to without a car.

But, the most important missing item now is the time factor. In the past, the caretaker was at home and was not really expected to also be the breadwinner. In today's society that is not always the case. More often than not, the salary of the both spouses may be needed to maintain their mortgage or their credit bills. Doing both jobs at the same time may not be possible. Yet, it may be the only alternative.

As we baby boomers age, and considering our changing economy, more and more of us will be asked to take on some of these responsibilities. As such, the care-giver, and those around them, need to realize the burden of this, no matter how loving a burden. Taking care of a loved one can be an enormous joy in life, but it is also a job, a responsibility; one that takes time and attention, and can be emotionally draining. Often the caregiver is put in a situation where they are handling medicines, doctor's visits, hospital stays and other health related activities. A caregiver needs to be alert and in good health in order to care for anyone. Realizing that can help someone get through their day to day caregiving needs.

If you are one of these caregivers, here are some tips:

1. Talk to people in your circle of friends and family. Let them know what you have to do, what you are thinking and feeling. Some individuals don't like to share. If that is you, do it even if the only reason you can think of is preparing someone to continue the job if something happens to you. But you need to also know that sharing things with your own circle is needed for your own emotional assistance.

2. Try to organize your chores and your schedule. Use whatever tools you need in order to eliminate the overwhelmed sensation. A Franklin planner can be a friend to those who have enormous scheduling issues.

3. Let other people help. Many of us think if we don't do something, it won't get done. However, the flip side of that is sometimes others see us doing things and think we would be insulted if they tried to help. Try asking sometime and be willing to let go of a chore if someone really offers to help.

4. Above all, take time for yourself. When you feel there is not a second of time you can spare on yourself, it is that very moment you actually do need that time. Acknowledge the situation, enlist tip number three and find that time.