What to Do After the First Fight of a Marriage

So you've had your first fight. Odds are it was pretty hard on both of you. So now what do you do? For some couples a first fight can end a marriage but that doesn't have to be the outcome. A marriage that lasts is not a marriage where the couple never fights, but a marriage where the couple is dedicated to working together to overcome their differences.

One of the first things to do is give each other space so that both can cool off. Need some tips on ways to cool off? Try these suggestions:

• Count to ten; sing a favorite song in your head or some other mental activity to redirect your energy. This will help you calm down by focusing your mind on something besides the fight.
• Visualize a peaceful situation or scene to help you become calmer.
• Take a walk or do some other form of physical exercise.

Next talk to your spouse and see if they are ready to talk about what happened. If they aren't ready to talk but you are feeling like you need to get some things off your chest find a piece of paper and write things down. This does not necessarily have to be something that the other person sees. Some of your own anger may still be coming out, but at least it is coming out on the paper and not at your spouse which could make the situation worse.

If your spouse seems to still be angry try apologizing for what has happened. If this does not help, sometimes actions can speak louder than words. Do something that will show them that you are sorry for the fight and want things to become better between the two of you. Here are a few suggestions from my own experience:

• After one fight my husband sent me a cute e-card. Somehow it made it that much more poignant that he had taken the time to write down that he was sorry and that he loved me.
• On the flip side, one time my husband became upset with me because I had made a ton of dirty dishes and hadn't done anything to make it any easier to get them clean. So as a way to say I was sorry I washed the dishes (a chore my husband usually does because I do the cooking) and gave him a "coupon" for cleaning another sink load of dishes whenever he wanted. If your fight was over a chore or some other related item try showing that you would like to make things better by doing the chore or offering more help.
• Get them a small gift (but not if the fight was over money, that could make matters worse). The gift also does not have to cost money. I once made my husband a huge batch of his favorite cookies. One time he went out and picked a handful of wildflowers for me and another time he set up a nice bubble bath complete with the TV and DVD player moved into the bathroom on a little stand so that I could watch my favorite movie.

Sometimes after that first fight couples find themselves in a nasty cycle of fights where matters never seem to get resolved. Be sure to talk things out. If talking is not working write down your concerns and some ways you think it could be resolved and give it to your spouse when they have time to really pay attention to it. There may also be some outside factors making both of you moody or irritable; some of these include:

· Sleep deprivation. If you aren't getting enough sleep or aren't getting good sleep this can make you easily irritated. Make an effort to go to bed just a little bit earlier or try and figure out why you are not sleeping well.

· Getting sick? If your body is fighting an illness, you are also more likely to become angry. Try focusing on staying calm and getting yourself better.

· Is that tummy rumbling? Many people become moody when they are hungry. So if something your spouse said just before dinner is getting to you try not to think about it and have something to eat first, then see if it is something that needs to be addressed.