What Am I Looking For

I don't want to go anywhere.

I just sit in my room all alone,

And wonder why my life is so unfair.

Sometimes I pray,

But think no one is on the other side.

So I sit there and talk to myself,

In whom else can I confide.

I tell myself it is okay to cry all of the time,

Or at least that is what I say.

When I know that my tears will fall,

And this pain will never go away.

Sometimes I actually like to be alone,

Only because no one is there.

I think of hurting myself, but I don't,

Because no one will actually care.

I can't actually see the good the day might bring,

With yesterday's sadness fresh in my head.

I think of all the stupid things I did,

And the dumb things I have said.

Sometime I feel the pain,

It burns deeper and my brain grows numb.

I feel so worthless and incomplete,

I feel mentally handicapped and dumb.

I see no where for me to go,

Maybe there is nowhere left for me anymore.

When I don't even know where to look,

I don't even know what I am looking for.