What Your Baby Needs Most

Like most important milestones in life, having a baby makes us a target audience and a niche buyer. Companies are ecstatic about us being new moms and dads - they have just the thing(s) to offer us! Baby registries are as long if not longer than wedding registries. How one little 7lb newborn can need as many things as a newly wedded couple out on their own for the first time is beyond me. Babies don't have any use for pots and pans, can't vacuum or mow the lawn, and certainly can't use a new espresso maker. "But," you say, "there are so many cute baby items and I want my children to have the best!" Yes of course, and it is very important that you feel that way! It is solely your responsibility to provide what your baby needs.

Here's the problem: with all the advertisements blaring at us and the cute baby stores, not to mention the "everything baby needs" checklists that we all consult when putting out wish lists together, we have confused what baby needs and what we want baby to have. The number one item that baby needs is: YOU! Unfortunately, we are not only emptying our pockets for oodles of baby gadgets, we are letting them act as our substitutes (have to get good use out of them for the money!). What baby needs most of all is love from mom and dad. What baby gets is a myriad of other options - mostly plastic - and an occasional listen-in from mom on the baby monitor as she washes dishes in the other room. Don't believe me? Let's look at some of the most commonly-purchased baby items:

The absolutely-necessary Playpen (or play-yard): Perfect for keeping baby out of trouble while at a friends house or when there is company. And if he gets fussy, you can always put him in a room behind a door and let him "cry it out," there's nothing in the playpen that could hurt him so he'll be fine, right? But what does baby need at this point? Isolation? Probably not. He wants to be with you, either socializing right along with you or maybe just lying close in your arms listening to the noises that he'll soon be trying to make. If you use a playpen because you are concerned that an area isn't baby-proofed, take the extra time to pick up the little things so baby can roam around, or keep baby up off the floor with you or on the floor next to you out of harms way.

The so-much-fun-and-it-moves-on-its-own Swing: Some babies love these. They love the feeling of moving with more speed that they are capable of themselves without expending much effort. Wouldn't it be wonderful if mom and dad could help them experience and enjoy that sensation with a swing that requires manual pushing? Instead, baby gets left with a swing in the same back and forth motion with the same wall to stare at for however long mom and dad decide. Sounds a lot like time-out to me.

The only-takes-one-toe-to-move Bouncy Chair: This one at least requires mild interaction with a human, unless of course you buy the vibrating kind. Mom can sit on the couch reading while rocking her baby with only her foot. They used to make rocking-chairs for this, and baby would get the added benefit of listening to mom's heart and feeling her warmth.

The watch-for-the-stairs Walker or the much-less-dangerous Exersaucer: The philosophy behind this is sound: help baby use his legs to stand and walk without having to support his whole weight. And give him a dozen toys to smack around just in case he gets bored with that, right? The same can be accomplished by mom and dad holding baby's hands and letting him stand while they support him. Then he can also benefit from the verbal encouragement and physical touch you bring to the exercise.

The controversial-nipple-replacement Pacifier: Parents argue without ceasing about the pros and cons of pacifiers. Most give in for the simple reason that they can't handle their baby crying and they learned a long time ago that pacifiers shut them up. Nothing like a good 'ole sock stuffed in the mouth to make someone shush. Parents who have used these know how hard it is to wean them from it, but that won't stop them from using them again on the next child. What does baby really need in this situation? To be held? Nursed? Changed? Spoken to? But baby learns that it's better just to take the pacifier and not risk mom's anger. In the future what will your child (no longer such a little one) turn to when he has a need? You? That never worked before.

The common denominator here is that all of these things satiate a need that baby has - for attention, stimulation, soothing - that is best addressed by loving human hands. You might be thinking that you just wouldn't get by without some of these things. I grant you that our fast-paced, multi-tasking lifestyles make giving baby all the attention he needs quite a tiring endeavor, but I think it is the lifestyle that is at fault- not the lack of time-saving gadgets. If you need a break from baby to accomplish something, pass him off to your partner. If you are alone, I'd suggest investing in a baby sling (by far the most acceptable gadget) that keeps baby close to you while freeing your hands. At the very least, bring baby into the room you are in and talk to him as you work. You are the perfect teacher, care-provider, and comforter. It's you he is going to grow up emulating - not the plastic babysitter - so give him as much exposure to what (and who) you'd like him to become as possible. No one (and no thing) can give your baby what he needs better than plain-old you.