What to Do About a Begging Neighbor

Do you have a begging neighbor, one that comes around asking for money or food or help in some way? I have a neighbor who regularly visits (by regularly, I'm saying two or three times a day) everyone in our apartment complex, in every building, asking for money and food to tide her over. Here are some tips on handling a begging neighbor:

1. Recognize your own worth and resources. Many people feel that it is their duty to help out someone in need, no matter who it is. They spend their precious income and resources on someone who asks for them, who has not earned them. Often ignored is the fact that not everyone truly 'needs' help. Many people are lazy, or society has dictated that something which would not have hindered work productivity 30 years ago is now cause for disability payments. Also, many people do not have the self discipline to maintain healthy financial growth. Helping them out is like telling them that it is okay to keep on living in this manner. They have a responsibility to themselves, and taking that responsibility upon yourself does not help them.

2. Establish boundaries. My begging neighbor once visited me, asking for a spare ten or twenty. I said No, and shut the door. The second time she asked for a favor, I said, "No, but you can come in." After she was settled on my couch, I remained standing and said, "I have no need to ask for money. The reason why I don't is the fact that I handle my finances responsibly. I budget monthly, weekly and daily. I put a certain percentage in savings, emergency funds and in tithes. I don't have much, but I don't go around spending what I do have." She stared silently. I continued, "If I went into debt, whether it be to a neighbor or to a credit card, I would not be able to keep my head above water. If I loaned any money out, which I don't even do for family, I would not be able to keep my head above water. I'm sorry that you are not money-wise, but you have chosen to not learn how to be so. That is YOUR choice." I walked to the door and opened it, and she left immediately, never to return.

3. Don't feel guilty. One of the ways people get stuff out of you is by playing up to your generosity. They spread around the gossip that you're so kind and generous, and frankly, you enjoy the reputation. If you feel bad about turning someone away, remember this: They have chosen to be that way. It did not just happen to them. Feeding their addiction will not make the addiction go away, or lessen their cravings. You are not being a bad person. You are taking care of yourself.