What is a Buckeye?

What is a Buckeye? For a kid that grew up in Ohio, that question hardly needs answering. It is a nut. Buckeye trees are everywhere in Ohio (well, maybe not everywhere). The trees drop an annoying "fruit" that comes in a spiked ball with a seam that runs around it. As kids, we used to crack the seeds open and remove the "buckeye." We made a hideous necklace that wanted to be a lei, but was god-awful ugly. This rather bulky nut is mostly brown when it dries with an eye-like coloration like an over-sized black-eyed pea. The nuts bear a distant resemblance to an eye (a stretch in my opinion) hence the name.

Having moved to Michigan following those innocent days of my youth, I became a fan of the Wolverines. My brother remained a "Buckeye..." which is the other definition of a buckeye.

Buckeye - an annoying fan who believes Woody Hayes was a prophet or saint; an individual who despises wolverines or anything blue. A fan who loses all sensible reasoning during the month of December.

Another definition, which I must confess to, is that a buckeye is a player who is currently on the field while the Wolverines sit at home and watch. It sure is a tough time to be a wolverine!!

So, long story short. Buckeyes are the nut of a tree called the Buckeye (commonly referred to as Aesculus glabra by anyone with an IQ over 150. The term goes back to around 1850. The residents (akin to Indiana's Hoosiers) refer to themselves as Buckeyes, as do the members of the Ohio State sports programs, which have the buckeye as their official mascot. So how do you make a mascot out of a nut? You put an ugly scarlet and silver outfit on a cheerleader and stick a big ugly brown head on top and put a big smiley face on it. In a...well...nutshell...buckeyes are nuts.

NOTE: This essay was not meant to offend my sensitive family members and friends who consider themselves buckeyes. It was merely meant to make me feel better that my team hasn't won a handful of games in two years, while the buckeyes get the Rose Bowl. The earth is out of balance. Soon, the football god (Bo Schembechler) will smile down on College Football and restore the Wolverines to their proper place. In the meantime, Go buckeyes!