What to Do When Your Child Doesn't Want to Go to School

My daughter started kindergarten this year. She was shy at first, cried on the first day, then seemed to get into the groove of things. Two weeks after school started, she decided she was done with the whole thing. When I tried to get to the bottom of why she didn't want to go, she replied simply, "I've already been". She returned to school without too much fuss, but I've seen kids refuse, kick and scream, and fake sick for weeks to get out of going to school. If your child falls in this group, here are some tips on what to do.

First, try to find out why your child doesn't want to go. Just ask--chances are, he or she will be eager to tell you. If it is something simple, fix it. Reassure your child that he or she is safe at school. Discuss your child's dilemma with his or her teacher. See if the teacher can pinpoint a time of day when your child gets upset or withdraws.

Many times, children have only anticipation anxiety, worrying about the unknown. Your child may be stressing because his or her familiar routine has changed, and school brings a new schedule that changes daily. What will your child learn? What will he or she be expected to do? All of these are valid, as well as very common, concerns for children.

If anticipation anxiety is the case, there are many things you can do to help. Work with your child's teacher to create a calendar of classroom events, curriculum, etc. Include things that your child will learn each day, as well as activities, such as circle time and centers. Hang the calendar where your child can refer to it anytime he or she needs to. Each evening, help your child prepare for the following day by discussing the events on the calendar. If your child has anxiety about any portion of the list, reassure him or her. Practice the activity or skill together if necessary to calm your child's fears.

The good news is that most children soon grow out of their anxiety associated with school. They grow accustomed to the changing routine of each school day and, eventually, this changing routine becomes their routine. Kids are flexible. Be patient with your child, provide needed reassurance, and your child will be well on the way to adjustment in no time.