What To Do When Your Child Says, 'I'm Gay'

Many parents dread the day their child comes home and says, "I'm gay." What do you do when your child comes home and says this to you? The inside of you starts racing with emotion, one side of you is shocked the other side of you is numb and the middle portion of you feels shattered and you began to wonder if there was a glitch in your parenting. You now have to make the choice of disowning your child or accepting him/her as he/she is. But the overall question is, what should you do?

What should you do?

Before answering this question every parent should take a moment to think about why they are questioning what should be done. Shouldn't every parent readily accept and welcome their child with opened arms? Why does parental love have to be doubtful when trying situations arise? Are you against this lifestyle because society views it negatively or because it goes against your morals? For many parents their reaction is a mix of the two. These reactions are derived from fear. Many people do not know much about same sex relationships we have only drawn up presumptions based on generalizations which place us behind a barrier.

In regards to what is moral and what should be expected, parents should accept their children as they are, that is if they are not placing themselves or anyone else in danger. The first thing you should do when you hear these words is to not bash and scold your child. If you are not sure of how you feel or you feel very upset then you should simply tell your child that you love him and just need sometime to think about how you feel. Your child being homosexual isn't really about you, it's their decision but you telling them that you need sometime to think about how you feel will prevent you from creating a hostile situation

When you get that alone time you should start think about how you feel. Why are you upset? Are you upset because you think your child will lead an unconventional lifestyle? Are you worried that your child will have a tumultuous lifestyle? Or do you think it is disgusting and wrong? Once you find where your emotions stem from you will be better able to handle the situation.

If you are against your child's homosexual life because you feel it is dangerous and unconventional you should place your worries to the side because the gay community is great and there are many organizations that fight for and support gay rights. There is support for gay teens in high schools as well. Homosexual individuals can adopt children or have their own children via a surrogate or donor. The potential for same-sex unions is increasing in many states. Even if your child's lifestyle might not be conventional he/she can still give you that grand child.

If you are against your child's homosexual lifestyle because you think it is immoral than the situation is much deeper. Homosexuality may seem like a crime to you but you have got to think, is your child out there harming others by selling drugs, joining gangs, or killing people? These are the things that you as a parent should really be concerned about because homosexuality is becoming prominent and people are accepting it. With proud celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres and now Adam Lambert it does not seem as such an taboo thing.

As parents you have to realize that it is no longer your life and that if your child has manners and a mind set on living peacefully in society, then you have done your job as a parent. Homosexuality is not caused by poor parenting it is a trait, a quality of your child's personality, a preference, just the same as someone preferring blondes over brunettes, or tall over short.

The worst thing that a parent could do is not accept their child because they do not live up to a "higher standard" in society. Do you dump your children because they lag behind in math class or because their diction is unfavorable? The truth is that some people do and this is what sets children up for failure later on in their life. A homosexual child is not a child with tumultuous prospects. It is not homosexuality that makes a kid bad it is how the parent teaches and nurtures the child.

Take it one day at a time and talk to your child; you can attempt to find out where he/she gained this preference from. You should never be too interrogative when speaking to your child. Be patient and slow. You can research articles on homosexuality to find out the basis of it. If you find it hard to understand, you can do a more grim inspection and take to newspaper articles on the dozens of children that get bashed and killed because of their homosexuality. Rent the movie Prayers for Bobby; a heart wrenching tale of a teen struggling with his mothers' disapproval of his sexuality. As I mentioned earlier, we are afraid of what we do not know and so research will help you to open up your eyes and see your child differently.

As your perception begins to shift a bit, make an effort to get to know more about your child's lifestyle, meet his friends, find out what he is into and invite the significant other over for dinner or go out for lunch and entertainment. You might find that you enjoy the company.

Since homosexuality is still a bit unsettling with some and not conventional, your child will need as much support as he/she can get from you. These are trying times and as parents your love is supposed to be unconditional.