What Do the Contents of My Purse Reveal About Me?

I bought a new purse today-a cute black "satchel" that cost just $22.99. If you think my husband will give me a hard time about this frivolous purchase (because I have at least five purses hidden away in the basement closet), you're wrong! His new high-def TV was delivered this morning, you see, which is why I also bought a new pair of sneakers. You think my husband will notice? HA! Not a chance.

I love transferring all my junk from my old purse to the new purse. It's the perfect time to reflect on my life over the last several months...and throw away all the trash that's magically accumulated. Maybe someday I'll be a "neat" person, and my perfectly organized, uncluttered purse will reflect that fact. Maybe writing this article is the first step in my recovery. Surely, once I type out a list of all the crap I found in my old purse, I'll be inspired to keep my new purse clean. It's worth a shot, anyway.

In no particular order, here are all the items I found in my old purse-a tattered straw bag with pink and yellow polka-dotted lining that I purchased at Super Target for $2 last May:

-Key ring with six keys and two keyless-entry remote thingies, and a bunch of discount/membership cards. My cute Jayhawk keychain broke a long time ago and I've never replaced it.

-One overstuffed black wallet, with grocery and bank receipts spilling out the sides. $10 cash--that's $10 more than I normally carry around.

-One outdated cellphone, 75% charged

-Two movie ticket stubs: Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (oh my God, what a horrible movie!) and Aliens in the Attic (part of the cheap summer movie series at my local Dickinson theatre)

-One AMC Movie Watcher Reward coupon for "$0.50 off any #1-#4 combo" that expired July 31^st (I could have paid $19.50 instead of $20 for my nachos and Sprite the last time I saw a movie?! Dammit!)

-Four unopened packs of Welch's fruit snacks

-One Sony 2GB thumb drive

-One smashed pack of gummi worms from a Kid Cuisine frozen dinner

-Glasses case (I don't wear my glasses as often as I should...)

-Three travel packs of Kleenex (yet I can never find a single one of them when my nose is running)

-Seven (!) assorted black pens. I guess I shouldn't have blamed my son for the mysterious disappearance of pens in our house.

-Two travel-size bottles of hand sanitizer

-Five Band-Aids (only one of them is a "cool" Band-Aid-a pink one featuring Dora the Explorer)

-One mini first-aid kit with antibacterial cream and more Band-Aids

-One sample tube of lidocaine topical anesthetic cream (for my daughter, who's in treatment for leukemia; the cream numbs her skin before the nurses stick needles into her port)

-Eight grocery lists written on green Post-It notes. My husband wrote one of the lists.

-One grocery list written on angel-shaped paper, with Cathy's phone number scrawled on the back (who's Cathy? Oh, yeah, the speech pathologist at my son's school...)

-Five hair elastics in assorted colors

-One individually packaged Cottonelle Fresh flushable moist wipe

-One Price Chopper grocery receipt from 6/23/10. I bought a 12-pack of Diet Mtn-don't call it "Mountain"--Dew and two bottles of Gold Peak unsweetened tea, my husband's two favorite beverages. And then I later wrote a grocery list on the top corner of the receipt: "milk, tea, nuts, Cascade, popcorn, lemonade, string cheese."

-Two wadded-up napkins, one of which doubled as a grocery list: "watermelon, apricots, apples, beans and rice, milk, tape, peanut butter Ritz Bits, fruit snacks, tea, cookies, Powerball ticket." (The Powerball ticket was for my husband, by the way, but if he ever wins, "his" Powerball ticket will become "our" Powerball ticket.)

-One Epi-Pen Jr. in a box (I hope I never have to use it on either of my kids)

-One travel pack of Wet Ones "sensitive skin" wipes

-Two mini dinosaur toys, one of which was accidentally stolen from the Children's Mercy Hem/Onc clinic. We'll return it the next time we're there, I promise!

-Two tampons, two maxi pads

-Two affirmation cards from my church: I honor and appreciate those who have nurtured me with their strength, courage, and wisdom. I honor and appreciate those qualities within myself and There is One Presence and One Power active in the Universe and in my life.

-Deb's phone number, written on the back of a Lowe's list: "mulch-at least 4 bags, paint and paint supplies, gardening gloves"

-One grape Dum-Dums wrapper

-One squished watermelon Jolly Rancher

-One squashed piece of yellow Trident gum

-One Ziploc baggie of pain relievers and other stuff-Advil, Lactaid (for my husband), Sudafed, travel-size sunscreen, unidentified pills

-One red ID bracelet from Children's Mercy Hospital (from the last time my daughter needed a blood transfusion, in June)

-10 individually wrapped Wet Ones wipes

-Two pieces of popcorn (WTF? They must have fallen into my purse when my son spilled the popcorn at the movie theater...three months ago)

-One pack of Juicy Fruit gum, half empty

-One pack of Trident Layers apple-pineapple gum, half empty (because my son can't have Juicy Fruit-it'll stick to his orthodontic appliance)

-One bag of peanut butter M&Ms, purchased at the same time as my new purse, which my daughter and I shared as I compiled this list

-Lots of "purse dust" at the bottom of the bag

So, what do the contents of my old purse reveal about me? Have I just given away all my secrets?!

What's in your purse or wallet? Tell us in the comments section below, if you dare.

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