What is the Difference Between a "Relationship Rut" and "Drifting Apart?"

The story is the same for many couples: in the beginning the two of you were madly in love. Everyday was a new adventure and nothing could tarnish your love. Fast forward a few weeks, months, or years (depending upon your tolerance level) and the magic is gone. You've lost your "sparkle" or whatever that infamous glue is that's supposed to hold relationships together. Perhaps you're just in a rut. But maybe these days are an ominous sign of what's to come. To most people, the difference is quite apparent: one condition (the rut) is almost always temporary, while "drifting apart" implies that the couples will permanently be broken. Others would say that frequent ruts are actually a symptom of "drifting apart"-a sign that two people are no longer on the same wavelength. It's easy to confuse the two. But if you're willing to put in some thought, there are ways you can tell whether the lull in your romance will be short-lived, or grow into The Great Divide...

Ruts with Perfect Timing

Take a closer look at the times you seem to be exceptionally bored, whether alone or with your sweetie. Sometimes couples become more agitated during winter months when the weather imposes "cabin fever" on household occupants. Seasonal lulls are easy to fix with a little ingenuity. Even if the weather means you must remain indoors, simply find a new "indoors" to occupy. Spend the weekend in a nice hotel, and order-in. Sometimes something as simple as a change of scenery can break the proverbial ice. On the other hand, if your ruts seem to have nothing to do with season, or time of the week, etc. some deeper soul searching will be required. Random yet frequent bouts of disappointment point to other more serious problems.

Difference of Interests vs. Indifference

There are benefits to having lots of things in common with a mate, just as there are rewards to being opposites. What keeps the emotional balance in the relationship intact is one's attitude towards the mate's outside interests. You certainly don't have to be a crochet fanatic, to fall in love with one. But part of connecting with your partner is in understanding why she might be drawn to crocheting. It might be completely fascinating to note that she enjoys making odd-looking blankets just because it reminds her of her late grandmother. Perhaps his love of golf has more to do with the green's serenity than it does the actual sport. Once you understand this, things like shopping for gifts, finding fun stuff to do, even having arguments become much easier. That being said, if you're completely indifferent to whatever floats your partner's boat, then you may soon find that you've drifted to opposite ends of the earth.

"Yawwwwnnn..."

Have you noticed that there seem to be fewer and fewer new and interesting things to talk about with your boyfriend? It's around this time that one or both partners begin to resent the other for being so boring. This little hiccup can also be addressed to keep ruts from growing into splits. It makes sense to say that if both parties have nothing new to bring to the table, then they're not experiencing enough life outside the relationship so as to keep things thriving. How can you expect to explore new topics if the two of you are merely staring at each other day in and day out? Mind you, your extracurricular activities shouldn't be detrimental to your romance. (choosing a smoldering 6'5" chick-flick "movie buddy" to fill your spare time sit too well with your boyfriend.) Nonetheless, the formula for this problem is simple. Live life as an individual; and share what you've discovered together.

SOURCES:

www.ivillage.com
www.psychologytoday.com
www.about.com