What Do You Do when the Wedding Party Dictates What the Guests Can Wear?

Q: I am a female, but I am much more comfortable in pants than a dress. As a matter of fact, since I was 10 and my parents let me pick my own clothes I have never bought, much less worn, a dress. My problem is that my friend is getting married and she wants me to wear a dress. I'm not a bridesmaid, just a special guest, but my friend insisted that if I don't wear a dress I can't come to the wedding. Help!

A: Past etiquette says that when attending anything formal women wear dresses, men wear suit and tie. This is best shown in church. Every Sunday families would gather their children into their Sunday best and head off to church. However, modern day etiquette says that formal means fancy - and a nice pantsuit or female tux is just as formal as wearing some fancy dress. Does your friend have other limitations? Is she forbidding anyone from wearing black or white or a dress she considers prettier than her own?

I know that brides can be quite strict when it comes to their wedding day. I have heard brides go so far as to tell their consultant they want their bridesmaids to look purposely hideous so they will definitely not outshine the bride. Yes, we call these brides bridezillas and we dread them! But, there is a limit to what a bride or groom can demand.

Knowing that you have never worn a dress, and choose not to wear one...ever, your friend still invited you; therefore your friend accepts your clothing choice and gives up any right to tell you what to wear. First you want to sit down with your friend and explain there are many formal outfits you can wear that look just as formal as a dress would. You can also point out that if you wear a tux or pantsuit it is unlikely that you will outshine her on her big day - play up to the bridezilla ego she seems to have developed. If you really want to get down and dirty you can point out that your pantsuit or tux will not be as risqué as some of the dresses you could be wearing, again taking attention away from the bride on her big day. Worst case scenario, you wear what you like, to the standards of the wedding, and if you friend still insists upon kicking you out it will just make her look bad to her guests. Maybe someone will stand up and say something to her to make her see reason.