What Does Your Child Tell Others on His or Her Web Space?

Today, few kids over the age of ten feel like they have anything if they don't own a cell phone, a computer, an iPod, and their very own Web space. Too often, parents have little idea what they do with the first three and sadly, even less about what their teens and pre-teens post on the latter.

A former co-worker of mine, whom I'll call Elise here, learned the hard way. She knew that I have managed online communities since before the Internet opened for regular user access. She emailed me one night with a nagging question.

Elise told me her thirteen-year-old daughter, Elyssa, was spending all of her non-school time doing one of two things: typing at the iMac she kept in her room or taking calls from males whose voices did not sound familiar to her mother. Elise wondered if all the strange calls could be from people online.

Once I told her that it was possible, I had a question of my own. I asked her if Elyssa had her own Web space which can take many forms as you will soon learn.

"Web space? You mean like a Web site?" Elisa questioned. "She couldn't get something like that unless we signed up and paid for it. Right?"

Yet the truth is that kids set up Web space all the time without parental permission perceived or required. While a private Web site typically demands both a hosting fee as well as the registration of a Web domain, many services allow anyone of any age to set up shop on the Internet for free. This means that a teen or pre-teen doesn't need to go to Mom or Dad to ask for a credit or a debit card to set up their Web space which is also apt to make it less likely the kids will go out of their way to mention any of it to their folks.

Even when teens and pre-teens do tell, parents often pay no attention. They think, "Web site? Big deal."

Don't think just a private Web site. MySpace.com, MSN Groups, and many other sites make free space available to whoever signs up. Several more big entities like Blogger.com, owned by Google, let anyone set up a blog - an ongoing Web log that just about anyone can access - where private information as well as pictures and music can be placed.

The more important question is what is on your child's Web space. The answer may surprise you.

Kids use them not just to share music and simple photos they take with their digital cameras or cell phones. Some post their home address and phone number and a few, angry at their parents, have published their folks' MasterCard or American Express credit card numbers, too.

Some teens and young adults use this free online space also to show provocative and sometimes nude photographs of themselves and/or friends. They also present pictures and graphic details about illegal drug use, sexual liaisons both real and imagined, and invite others to call them by phone or chat online. A few others have posted threats to or scurrilous stories about other kids and adults as well as so-called "hit" lists of potential targets they plan to hurt.

What gets posted can be graphic, raw, something you consider to be extremely private that should not be open to the public, and yet read by just about anybody who happens by. If kids post their contact information - and some list not just address but actual directions to their home - it becomes extremely easy for literally anyone to call them, instant message or chat with them, and even stop by your home or send packages to your address.

If you ask your child what he or she is doing with the Web space or with whom they are chatting, you likely hear back, "A friend." But that friend may be someone they do not know. It's difficult to verify that someone is who he says he is online. Fifty-year-old men pose as teenagers and teens pose as full-fledged adults.

I have worked for several of the major online services. One thing I discovered quickly is that many people, adults as well as children, can be ready to believe that a friendly person they meet online is exactly who he says he is. Perhaps 30% of the time, this is accurate. Not everyone pretends to be someone else.

My experience also taught me that kids can be enormously talkative about facts and confidential information their parents would never want revealed. More readily than an adult, they may consider a stranger a close friend and act accordingly without their parents knowing.

While the majority of adults I've seen talk with kids in chat rooms I managed took a protective nature with children present and simply answered their questions or helped them with a technical problem, there have been a few that seemed to display what I perceived to be an unhealthy interest in teens and pre-teens. Those, I watched carefully and acted upon accordingly.

Thankfully, these opportunists really are relatively few and far between in general or technical online communities. But the percentage of nefarious types in some kid-only areas or in sexually-oriented forums where children manage to get in can grow much higher.

This is why I always advise parents to have a good sense of where their non-adult children go online and what they do. Sadly, there are not enough managers with the experience or ability to supervise such areas the way I do. Plus parents have to understand that many free space sites have little to no supervision whatsoever. This role must fall to the parents and guardians.

In Elise's situation, I was able to give her some pointers. With my help, she quickly discovered her daughter had a free Web site where she listed cell and home phone numbers plus her mailing address. When Elise visited her daughter's site, she also found photos that made her very uncomfortable. Her thirteen-year-old had dressed provocatively in them and made herself appear very grownup. Elyssa had also posted a note saying she enjoyed "sexy" chatting.

Confronted, Elyssa said she saw nothing wrong with what she placed on her site. She also confessed that many of her new "friends" were not pals from school but people she met from Web site postings. Two had sent her nude photographs of themselves which her mother later found during routine housecleaning. One had sent the girl a pre-paid phone card to call him; when Elyssa's mother called instead, she discovered she was talking with a much older man who asked if Elyssa was still planning to come to Harrisburg to meet him the following weekend.

Today, Elyssa spends far less time online. Her iMac is now in the family room, where her parents can at least see what she does with it. Her grades have improved and the strange calls have stopped.