What on Earth Do the Tax Department and Reader's Digest Have in Common?

When I heard that my neighbors won $5000 answering a simple question on a radio-show I couldn't believe it. The neighborhood climbed over fences to get little conferences about this unlikely event. Small groups gathered, huddling together, discussing and gossiping.

The problem was totally unrelated to the issue. I'll explain. The offending and winning neighbors (let's call them X and Y) manage to have Sunday-morning arguments; all the doors and windows wide open for this weekly entertainment. So just by the time we all sit under the umbrella in our gardens enjoying our coffee, they start. By the time we finish our coffee and croissants, they stop and turn the vacuum cleaner on. This happens every Sunday.

So the rest of the neighborhood is not very fond of X and Y and I don't think they get many Christmas cards, nor are they invited to a lot of dinner parties, at least not around here.

The problem is, of course that we all wanted to have won the $5000, but never listen to that particular radio station, so we couldn't have won. But getting money for nothing is what we all want, no matter how small the amount, no matter how stupid and useless the prize. Rice cookers,bread makers, you name it; we would never buy it, but if we win it we show it to the whole family! After that it disappears into a dark cupboard, never to be seen again until after your death by a great-grandchild who will look at it and will throw it away. Or will go to the Antiques Roadshow for some info about what it might be. And then still throw it away.

But the problem is that although I'm level-headed enough to think that I'll never win anything, I still get excited when Reader's Digest has found me once again.Wherever I live in the world, they find me. This is truly amazing, paralleled only by the Tax Departments of various countries, who I'm sure employ whole teams of specialized detectives to sniff out my home-address. But this I can understand, after all I have to pay them, so they would be enthusiastic in finding me.

The Reader's Digest is a complete mystery in this respect. They keep on sending me letters saying I am very close to winning. Since I don't reply, the letters are getting more and more beautiful, as time goes by. Gold stickers, scratchers, numbers , combining things, choosing your prize.

One year I gave it a try. For a whole year I ruined my manicured nails scratching; taking gold stickers off to reveal numbers and sticking them on a card; choosing my various BMW"s, seaworthy boats,and money. In the end I didn't even care anymore, anything was welcome, and I sighed with relief every time I posted the NO envelope, kindly provided by R.D. The draw was to be in December and I waited eagerly. When the winning numbers appeared in the R.D-magazine, I saw my winning numbers. I looked out the window and expected at least a car. Any car. But none appeared. My bank balance was still the same too, so when the postman came I nearly pulled the R.D package out of his hands.

It contained a packet of postcards. They tracked me down to send me a packet of postcards! I still have them somewhere, to remind me of that busy year.

At least the Tax Department has never asked me to remove gold stickers and send them to them. And the numbers always stay the same with that lot. Also I don't expect prizes from them. Consistency is their middle name. I don't expect even a rice cooker in the mail from them.