What to Expect when You Are Going to a Children's Dance Convention

Ok, I am a dance mom with a confession. I HATE dance conventions. These are the much publized gatherings of children from 5 to 18 who supposedly vastly improve their dance skills over a few days with professional choreographers. Two of the biggest are Tremaine and Dance Makers, Inc. If your child belongs to a competition at the dance studio where she has participated since she was two and the teachers form a completion team, look out. There will be conventions and they will try your patience unless you are "dance supermom" (more about her later). It's laugh or cry or both at the same time if you are just an ordinary mother pulled into the ridiculous world of competition dance.
Here are the sad but true facts:

1. You will spend mucho bucks. You will spend money before you even get to the convention. There are costly class fees, required leotards, tights, dance shoes, dance jackets emblazoned with your studio logo and aspirin. Yes, stock up on the medication. Thin out that blood so you are less likely to have a heart attack. Then when you get there you must purchase an observer wrist band if you want to see your kid dance, pictures if you want to memorize the event on everything from big braggy buttons you wear to coaster sets. Then the real rip off comes with the clothing sales. Booth after booth offers the gaudiest display of tutus, tees, pants, booty shorts and dance bags in zebra, cheetah and any other godforsaken patter the designer comes up with. And it all sparkles! Yippee. Don't forget you'll also have to pop for an overpriced cold piece of piece of pizza and numerous Gatorades at the convention to keep your little tapper going.

2. The Noise. You've got to prepared for this. When you get hundreds of little girls (and three boys) packed into dance ballrooms the marvelous echo of chatter will hit you hard until, of course you are assaulted by the high decibel dance music so suck it up this will be your life for two and one half wondrous days.

3. Be ready for attack of the dance supermom possibly the most annoying person on the face of our dear earth. If you are easily annoyed'"guilty'"by overly peppy people then look out. You won't escape her. She is everywhere and she is daunted. You'll know her when you see her. She has cute little tees that say "Dancer's Mom" or "Proud Mom of World's Greatest Dancer" or "Part of Team Madison". She carries a clipboard, speaks to absolutely everyone, has a bag slung over her shoulder containing extra shoes, extra tights, extra barrettes, extra dance tees (hers) and extra strength peppy pills to keep her extra special personality going. She will clap and dance along with the music and take illegal notes on the choreography.

So keep these intriguing nuggets firmly in mind for when the time comes that your kid's formerly innocuous dance teacher approaches you will a scary little form that will ruin any three day weekend.