What to Expect When Meeting Someone with Alzheimers

At some point, you may find yourself in the position of talking to a person with Alzheimer's Disease. If you don't know much about Alzheimer's, or have never met anyone with the disease, meeting a person with the disease for the first time can be unnerving. I felt this way when I first started a job as an activity aide, at a facility for people with Alzheimer's and dementia. Quickly, though, I learned that being able to make a connection with someone with Alzheimer's Disease can be very special and rewarding. With just a little bit of information, and some tips, you will most likely find that the experience is not only easy, but even enjoyable!

The most important thing to remember, when talking to someone with Alzheimer's, is that she is an adult. This person has lived most of her life as a respectable member of the community. So, avoid talking "down" to them... even if the person does act like a child or seems to have trouble understanding you.

This includes talking extremely loudly to them. Although older people can sometimes be hard of hearing, don't assume that this is the case. The person may be wearing hearing aids, or they may have fine hearing. If you sit close to the person, and speak clearly, she should be able to hear you.

Sometimes people with Alzheimer's become confused. They often have very good long term memories, but not very good short term memories. This means, the person may not remember what they did an hour ago. They may not even remember where they live, or who you are. But they can remember their childhood, their jobs, their former homes, their spouses, and the children they raised. Unable to remember the recent past, a person with Alzheimer's may actually think that it is a different year. The trick is, instead of trying to get the person to join you in today's reality, you can join them in their own reality.

Imagine how frightened you would be if, right now, you called out to your husband, and some stranger walked up to you and told you, "Your husband is dead! Your husband died five years ago!" You would become frightened, upset, angry, confused, and more. You might even lash out at the stranger who told you, thinking, "This person has done something to my husband!" This is how it would feel if you were a person with Alzheimer, and someone told you the same thing. The person will not suddenly remember that yes, this is true, her husband died years ago. It will be as if she is hearing the news for the first time. Having to experience this over and over again is heartbreaking! The same holds true for finding out that the person's home has been sold and that the person now lives in a nursing home, or that his children have grown up and moved away, or that Jimmy Carter is no longer President. So, instead of confronting the person with the truth, try to go along with the person's version of reality. You may feel as if you are lying to the person. But try to remember this. To the person with Alzheimer's, all they have is this moment. In an hour, the woman who was calling out for her husband may not remember that you told her that her husband was at work. If you told her that her husband is dead, she probably won't remember that either. So opt for the reply that will make the person happy, in this moment, instead of the reply that will cause the woman to experience yet another moment of heartache.

Since people with Alzheimer's often remember the past, this can be a good topic to converse about with them. Ask them about their children, the places they lived, their childhoods, their pets, and their former jobs. Even if the person believes that you are his grandson or his coworker, he will still enjoy talking to you about the things he remembers.

You can also invite the person to do things with you. Activities in the here-and-now are great things to help bridge the gap between what the person does and doesn't remember. Ask the person to work on a simple puzzle with you, go for a walk, or sort the mail. This helps the person to feel useful and relaxed.

Touch is also a wonderful thing when it comes to people with Alzheimer's. A lot of people with Alzheimer's don't get a lot of physical contact. Especially after they start to lose their verbal abilities, touch can be their last way of connecting with other people. When you are around someone with Alzheimer's, often the person will reach out towards you. Put aside any inhibitions you may have, and reach back towards that person! Simply holding the person's hand, rubbing her shoulders, or patting her knee, shows the person that you are there, paying attention to her, and wanting to be with her. If you ever have the chance to meet someone with Alzheimer's Disorder, remember these tips. By treating the person with respect, joining them in whatever their view of reality is at the time, sharing memories and activities with them, and offering your gentle touch, you can make a great connection.